Facing the menacing hordes

For some unknown reason there was no school today here in Sleeping Beauty town, Colorado. There wont be any tomorrow either. No, I don't know why. I wish I did.

I had the BRILLIANT idea to take the kids to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science today. It's only OUR district that was out of school today so I guessed that it would be a slow and boring day there, being a Thursday and a school day.

I.was.wrong.

There was an entire middle school AND elementary school there today, in addition to the regular group of home schoolers and other wise parents from our district who had the same idea that I did. I fail.

Luckily they left about an hour after we got there.

Lizzie adores the Space Exploration area and would live there if she could. Who knows, she may be my science minded child after all.

Kylie was too cool to be caught dead at a museum so instead stayed home and did laundry.

Will went with Lizzie and I and enjoyed the Genghis Khan exhibit which will leave our fair city on Sunday so I'm glad we went.

Lizzie rushed me through though in order to get to the hats. She HAD to have a Mongol hat. HAD TO.



Outside the exhibit. Will was being camera shy apparently.

Will shows off his very stylish Mongol hat.


My fearsome Mongol horde. Don't they look vicious?

High School Excitement

Yesterday we had the high school open house, whereby I dragged myself, a 5 year old, a 2 month old in a very heavy carseat and a 14 year old who was too cool to be seen with her mother the breeder and braved the night to check out the school.

Cons: It's a big school. Very big. And I saw teenagers hugging each other. Boy and girl hugs. Eww gross. Also, we saw no "goths" there. I'm sure they are far too cool to be helpful to 8th graders for open house night.

Pros: Kylie voluntarily took forms from the drama club, Sisters In Community Club, dance squad, student leadership and talked to the counselor about getting college credits during high school. (she is SO doing that)

Also, for Lizzie's sake, they sold popcorn for $1 so she didn't starve while we were there.

Additionally, I don't want to talk about how many times people looked at Kylie and then looked at the baby, trying to figure out which was of us was breeding. Thankfully it's her much too young mother and not the 14 year old, thankyouverymuch.

Kylie is so excited about high school she can't stand it. I am so excited for her that I can't stand it.

Bring on August!

But I'm not ready yet!

Last week Kylie was sitting in the living room, hanging out with Micah and I (I know, I can't believe I just typed that myself. And it's true!) and she presented me with her scheduling request for Rangeview. High School. Rangeview HIGH SCHOOL.

Apparently she had to fill it out and I needed to sign off on it so she can begin the busy process of getting ready for her FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL.

Oh. My. God.

I can not possibly have a child old enough for high school. I'm only 30. (Granted, I'll be 31 on her first day but still....)

I still remember her like this:


And like this:


And one of my favorite memories of her:

So as you can see, she can not POSSIBLY look like this:

and be about to be a freshman in high school. That just can't be possible. Because I'm certain that it was just yesterday that she looked like this:






So she can't at all be looking like this:


and signing up for Intro to Dance (Fee: $120) and Intro to Theater (Fee:$20). And also Advanced English and science and math and all that other fun stuff.

Because my baby still looks like this:


Right?

Sibling Rivalry

Until Will was born, Jason the cat was the "baby" of the family. Small, loving and fluffy, he enjoyed a life of endless adoration by Lizzie and being carried around like an infant by Kylie. With me he snuggled with me in bed and I fed him every morning at 6 am, whether I liked it or not.

But now Will has come along and I think it's safe to say that Jason is feeling a little displaced.


This is a regular occurrence. I'll be sitting down, nursing Will and suddenly the cat will jump up on us and lay directly on the baby. Will seems genuinely puzzled by this furry thing.


Jason really enjoys his new cat play area and even lets the baby use it from time to time. But only the crap toys like the blinking sun and the mirror. He saves the squeaky birds and teethers for himself.



Luckily, Will still has the swing for himself. For now.

Perhaps it's hereditary?

Why yes, that is a chip in his left hand, and he is gripping the side of the guacamole bowl. Why do you ask?

We went to Carlos Miguel's tonight for dinner. I had the Chimichanga. Micah had the chicken burrito. Will had table side guacamole.



Note: No babies were actually fed straight guacamole or chips in the taking of the picture. Well, okay, he may have sucked the tiniest amount off of his own fingers after they were on the bowl but I can't say for certain. He did however lick his lips when he saw me eating my dinner. So rest assured he got it his own special way later that night.

Great Granny

Jenny is Micah's only living Grandparent. Will is her first "official" great grandchild. I'm not sure how she feels about Lizzie in terms of family but she really, really loves her and asks about her almost every time I visit and don't bring her.

Jenny loves Will although about 90% of the time she calls him a "she" as in, "Isn't she so precious?" I don't correct her because I don't think it matters.

Today we went to visit her at the nursing home and I got some pretty decent pictures of my iPhone.

I got a lot of pictures that kinda look like this. We keep telling her to look at the camera and instead she keeps looking at the baby. He had been smiling at her and she couldn't get enough of that I guess.

"Why doesn't she have shoes?" she asked
"He keeps kicking them off." I said
She looks at me.
"She had them last time."
As a side note, I love the look on Will's face in that picture.

Why, yes, his hair IS in a mohawk. Why do you ask?


I just love this. I love seeing family and generations.

Jenny practically ripped the baby out of Micah's arms to hold him for this photo. As she was physically grabbing the baby and pulling him out of Micah's arms Micah asked her if she wanted to hold the baby. Her response was "Well if you want me to."

2 months old

Will is officially 2 months old today so he and I went to see his favorite Dr for a check up.

He weighed in at a good sized 12lbs 3 oz and is 23 inches long. His head is 39 cm.

The Dr was officially delighted with him, loved the faux hawk I had going on in his hair (which says something since Dr. Ginsburg is something like 112 years old) and says that he is developmentally on track.

Then he got some oral vaccine and then 3 shots. Which he did not like.

At all.

He fell asleep on the way home and then slept for something like 5 hours straight which made my chest a very unhappy place to be. But he's awake and has eaten so I'm feeling better now.

Also, my W2 came today. When I saw it I let out a squeal and kicked Kylie off the computer so I could FINALLY start my 2009 tax return.

I know, I'm not a healthy person. I just can't help myself.

Introduction to the Theater

For Christmas this year I got Kylie (and myself and Lizzie) tickets to the musical production to CATS! the musical by Andrew Lloyd Weber.

I saw it for the first time when I was 12 with my mom and Nana.

When Kylie was 2 she found my tapes for the music and listened to it and fell in love. My mom and Nana bought her the VHS tape of the production and she used to watch it over and over and over again. She knew every song, every movement by heart by the time she was 4.

So it was exciting for me to be able to take her to a live production and at the same time introduce Lizzie to it.

Lizzie adored it and was amazing the whole time. She didn't talk and was enthralled. Kylie noticed every time something was slightly different or an accent wasn't quite the same as on the CD's or VHS tape.

Here is a picture of Kylie, Lizzie and the person playing Jennyanydots after the show. I believe her name is Jenny Cohen.



Oh and yes, Kylie's hair is blue.

Thoughts of Haiti

As you hopefully all know by now, Haiti was rocked by a massive 7.0 earthquake yesterday leaving the nation in a state of chaos and destruction.

My prayers are with those in Haiti today as well as those relief workers and rescuers today and for what will likely be many months to come.

With that in mind, along with your prayers, if you are so inspired and able here are some ways you can help.

1) Text "HAITI" to "90999" to donate $10 to the Red Cross -- Our friends at the US State Department very quickly put together this number to channel relief contributions directly to first responders who will be on the ground there. I love that our government does things like this.

2) Text "Yele" to 501501 to donate $5 to Yele Haiti -- Wyclef Jean of Fugees fame created this foundation to permanently improve the lives of the most impoverished in his home country of Haiti. Over the years, the stories I have heard from Wyclef remind me of how hard the living is there. I am humbled by Wyclef's commitment to the region and the impact Yele Haiti has there every day. Check out more on Yele Haiti.

3) Donate to Partners in Health (click here) -- PIH is already on the ground in Haiti and mobilizing their relief efforts. Working to provide health care and education to the poorest of Haiti, PIH is the real deal.

4) Donate to charity:water (click here) -- charity:water works to bring clean water to the 1 billion people on the planet who don't have it. Recently, the organization's founder, Scott Harrison, traveled to Haiti to commence operations in that country and already thousands of Haitians have clean water to drink. As if the situation wasn't already bad enough, the need for clean water only intensifies in the aftermath of earthquakes. Every dollar of your support to these guys goes fully and immediately to work in the field.

Caught

Could some one please tell me why Jason the cat always looks like he's been "caught" doing something wrong?

When I caught him here he was half laying in the baby's carseat, desperately trying to stick his head under the baby's hand to get some petting.

The baby, he is not so good at petting animals yet.

He is good at staring at the cat though. It's his serious face.

Rough Night

So I'm standing at the second post office I've visited today, waiting to pick up a package for Kylie.

In the car I realized I hadn't brushed my hair or teeth today. Or showered.

While I'm standing there I realize I'm not wearing any socks.

Then I realize, I'm also not wearing a shirt. Only my bra and my jacket.

Luckily it was zipped up.

I have GOT to get more sleep though.

Dress Up

I'm not going to sugar coat this, it took me awhile to get okay about my last pregnancy. What helped get me through was the shopping I got to do for baby clothes. And man, did I shop. I never had a little boy to shop for so that was new and I discovered that there is more to boys clothing than sweat pants and pro football onesies.

Will is now, at 7 weeks old, well into his 3-6 month wardrobe and I am truly enjoying playing dress up with him. Sure, it's different than with the girls. The lack of pink and of course I don't get to put bows in his hair. Or if I do I don't take pictures of it. He has plenty of hair for hairbows though, just sayin'.

This morning as I was dressing him in his day wear I snapped this picture. It's screaming to me, "Hello Ladies".



Last night I took a picture of him in his rocker wear. He was passed out from all that heavy partying and late nights he likes to do.



And of course, who can forget the time I dressed him up like a reindeer. Oh wait. That was Micah.


I sure hope he forgives me when he's older.

Left, Right, Left, Right, Left

I tend to find the nature vs nurture debate fascinating, especially when it comes to child rearing. Whenever Kylie used to do something utterly insane my ex husband and I would have a joking argument about whether that action was cause by nature (i.e. my biological input) or nurture (i.e. his parenting).

I'm still convinced the really stupid stuff was all a product of nurture.

But some interesting things strike me about my children. For example Kylie's handwriting looks exactly like her birth fathers. Even though she's never seen his handwriting.
Lizzie's tongue is attached behind her back teeth, just like mine (some people call that tongue tied but I'm not sure why).

Things like that interest me. What is a product of nature and what is a product of nurture?

I, today, discovered another interesting detail about this nature business.

I think Will is left handed. Which would be unique in and of itself except that Micah is left handed. And so is Leslie, my mother in law. And so is Micah's brother Andy. So is my Aunt Linda. And now my baby boy is too, at least I think so.

You may ask what makes me think he's a leftie, after all, he's only 6 weeks old.

I present to you the following pictures. Both happened naturally with no assistance from me and both show him using his left hand.


Sorry about the poor quality, those are taken with my iPhone. And those occurred several hours apart.

But yes, Will prefers to suck his left thumb. It's possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen but then, I'm biased.

Now I just need to figure out how to teach him to write left handed.

Bittersweet

There is truly something bittersweet about sorting through and bagging up old clothes for donation. Especially when they are you maternity clothes for the last time.

During my postpartum periods with Kylie and Lizzie both I just boxed up the clothes and put them away. Yes, I kept a good bulk of my maternity clothes after Lizzie, even though Brian got a vasectomy. I just couldn't get rid of them. Guess my subconscious knew something I didn't.

This time, however, I'm certain. It's time to get rid of everything.

I had felt for a long time that I was meant to have three children. After Lizzie, after Brian had his vasectomy, I was crushed. It was like a death to me because I felt like my third child had somehow died, even though of course he hadn't been conceived.

Accidentally getting pregnant with Will cemented for me that I was meant to have three children. But that's it. Three is my limit. And Micah's too.

So these last 6 weeks have sort of been sad while I go through the laundry and find another shirt or pair of pants that won't be used, at least by me anymore. I liked my maternity clothes this time around. I finally had a professional and casual assortment for both work and home that I hadn't had before.

But finally, this part of my life is over. This baby making time. It's time for the baby growing, teenager teaching, Kindergartner playing time and not time for pregnancy time anymore.

I'll admit I'm pretty excited about that actually. Next year it'll be time for Kylie to get her drivers permit. Lizzie will go to first grade in less than a year. And Will, well, he'll be walking or close to it.

So goodbye comfy jeans and favorite green shirt. You'll be missed. But it's time for me to move on. And you too.

Say hello to the Goodwill pick up crew!

2009

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Done with 2009, on with 2010

2009 is done and over with. I know a lot of people in the blogosphere are saying good riddance to bad rubbish but I am a little more fond of 2009 than they would be I suppose.

In 2009 I received the first set of roses for Valentines in my life. I also received the first chocolates for Valentines. 9 months later I had a baby. I'll get to that in a minute though.

I also turned 30. I traveled to Mexico with the man I loved and climbed a Mayan Pyramid and saw the great Mayan serpent Quetzalcoatl during the Spring Equinox (also on my birthday). I saw with Dolphins and explored ruins and loved it.

I helped my oldest daughter deal with her anxiety & depression issues. To see her blossom today is a testament to the hard work we went through in 2009.

My youngest daughter started Kindergarten and is flourishing and thriving. That happened in 2009.

I kept my job. This might not seem like a lot but we had massive layoffs this year and even HR was affected. I have a job to go back to in 2010 thankfully.

I got married! On 7/8/9 I married the best man on the planet. Well, for me anyways. Although I'm pretty sure if there is a ranking of all the men, he's in the top 5.

I had a baby. Okay so it was unexpected, I still had one. I had my first (and last) little boy and got another chance at this motherhood business. At least God has faith in me when I don't have faith in myself.

I went to two book signings. That might not seem like much but I feel that anytime I get out of the house AND get a chance to read, it's a good thing. (The authors are both blog owners as well. You can read dooce.com, author of the book It sucked and then I cried and thepioneerwoman.com author of The Pioneer Woman Cooks.) I got my books signed too, which I am proud of.

There is so much more that I am blessed for in 2009. I have an amazing family and group of awesome friends, I had a great maternity wardrobe (3rd time was the charm), and I had more pedicures in 2009 than in the entirety of life prior.

Truly, I am blessed.

It's hard to imagine 2010 being any better but here's to hoping anyways. And I hope your 2010 is amazing as well.

Santa

I find myself in a strange position as it comes to Santa.

First, he wont actually be coming to my house as it's Brian's year with the kids on Christmas Day. Although he will be bringing stocking stuffers I've been told because he loves them. And it's the only way the kids get new socks and underwear in this house. (I kid)

Second, I have three children. One believes in Santa FERVENTLY. The other two, well. One doesn't believe at all but has agreed to keep her mouth shut to help the magic for her sister. Oh, and if we publicly say we don't believe in Santa we don't get Santa gifts. Or stocking stuffers. (Why, yes I did threaten my oldest child. Why do you ask?) The other child, well, he's not invested yet in this Santa business. Really, for him, Santa involved sitting on a strangers lap and listening to Lizzie talk in DETAIL about all the ways Santa watches us and that he better let Mommy sleep at night because waking her up is naughty.

Will did not care about her Santa and his naughty list last night, FYI.

Yesterday I was at the mall 30 minutes from our city shopping and came across a Santa. I thought I would get a quick picture of Will with him. Yeah. Not so much. Apparently at this mall you have to make an appointment and come back. And photo packages start at $20. For 1 5x7.

Back in my day the visit to Santa was all about telling him what you wanted for Christmas and getting a mini-Candy cane. The picture was a $5 Polaroid snapped right before you got off his lap. Now it's about dressing up and packages and all manner of craziness.

I left the mall and drove home. Picked up Ky, got Lizzie out of school early (20 minutes) and we went to the mall in our area. Which I realize is the ghetto mall. The chance of Santa swigging a 40 and the elves wearing booty shorts was high but I chanced it.

No line, no alcohol and no booty shorts, although Santa's elves hate their job and that was obvious.

I am lucky though that to date none of my children have been ridiculously frightened of Santa.

I present to you, our Santa picture for 2009. Not dressed up, not matching and Will is about 4 seconds from blowing out his diaper. Again.

Grandma Linda

Sorry, I suck and have no pictures of her with the baby. Or my kids. I was tired. A lot. While she was here.

But I thought I would share a quick story about how God plans for us far ahead and how my story involved my Aunt Linda.

Linda is the oldest of my maternal Aunts. She was the first child for my Grandpa Cotton (Harold) and Grandma Violet. She was born pretty much 9 months after they got married so it's safe to say she was a honeymoon baby. Her father was away, fighting in WWII when she was born and for awhile after that so she wasn't so keen on him when he first came home. I hear she eventually warmed up to him.

Linda has been married forever (okay like 40 years) and has/had 3 children. Jon, who has passed away, Jenny (who is 33?) and Jodi (who is 31). She is fortunate to have both of her daughters living near by to her and is an active participant in MOPS for her community.

When I was a small child my mother and father (mostly my mother because my father wouldn't have bothered to care) decided that should something happen to both of them they wanted Linda and her husband Jerry to take me. Like Godparents but a)related and b)without the Catholic ceremony.

Luckily that never happened and I became an adult with both parents intact.

When Lizzie was born Brian also got orders for us to move. Those two things happened about 2 weeks apart. We received orders to Colorado, someplace we had never even asked for (Japan? yes. Italy? Sort of. Germany? Heck YA! Colorado, not so much.) We could not, for the life of us, figure out what purpose we had going to Colorado. It snows there you know.

It also happens to be 6 hours from my Aunt Linda if you don't have to stop 100 times for a potty training toddler to pee.

5 months after Lizzie was born we found out my mother had terminal, stage 4 lung cancer. I was about to be Motherless. And I am essentially fatherless anyways since he sucks so I was about to be an orphan.

Except that God knew that. He knows everything. So he moved me as close as he could to my Aunt Linda while working within the confines of the military and also the destruction of my marriage which was still a couple of years off.

My Mom and Nana used to come for Easter and Thanksgiving without fail. Now I'm able to drive to my Aunt Linda's and have holidays like nothing ever changed. *

God moved me to be close to my family. He moved me so that I would find the love of my life. He moved me to my new home and I never even knew it at the time. Because God is such a miracle worker. That is someone who is very good at his job. *wink*

*Okay, that's not true. Growing up holidays meant horribly inappropriate movies to be watched after the meal but before games. Think "Silence of the Lambs" for Easter and you'll see why I am the way I am.........

Catching up

You know you've created a monster when your own husband starts asking for a new blog from you.

I would like to tell you that things have been boring and slow around here but I would be lying to you and you deserve better than that.

Little Will is already 3 weeks old. How did that happen? He still has a massive amount of hair and is a pretty content little guy. We jokingly call him the Milk Shark for his attempts at finding a nipple where ever he can. And okay, we put his hair into a little Mohawk looking thing too which helps with the "shark" reference.

He is by far my most alert baby and he seems to throw people off. He's generally awake when we are out and about during the day and so people assume he's months old. But he's small of course because he's three weeks old and so people stumble over their words when asking how old he is.
He seems to be taking it all in and thinking a lot.

We were lucky enough to have Grandma Linda here for a week. I know it must have been so boring for her but she truly was a life saver letting me nap during the day when possible and most importantly entertaining Lizzie before and after school for me. It's hard to get much done when you have someone connected to your chest all the time and Lizzie was pretty desperate for attention which Grandma Linda happily provided.

Speaking of Lizzie all goes well and right in her little world. Her class went to the Firefighter Museum last week in school and she had a blast. She continues to do well and please her teacher and is friends with almost everyone. She is of course in love with her baby brother and he seems to be okay with her holding him even when I feel nervous at his position on her lap.

Kylie seems to be thriving lately. She continues to rehearse for the school play "The Phantom of the Opry" (yes, you read that right, it's a spoof). She plays Felicity and has a song in the play. She also was accepted to Advanced Choir this last week and I believe that begins next year (in January). She recently came home with an Advanced ILP or Individualized Learning Plan from her Literacy teacher although it includes Math goals as well. It will allow Kylie some freedom in her school work and expectations but will keep her focused as well. It also allows for some bigger goals than she would normally have in school like reading "Origin of Species" for example.

The only hiccup we seem to have is that her relationship with Brian seems to be deteriorating at an alarming rate. Ky has requested that she not go over there anymore and I'm unsure as to how to handle it with Brian. I'm hoping for guidance in that area sooner rather than later.

Overall though we are thriving as a family and are ready for Christmas. I hope you and yours are too!

The Birth Story

So please bear with me in the retelling of this because frankly, I was in a lot of pain for a majority of it and so times may be a little fuzzy.

We were told to show up at the hospital at 7:30am and to eat breakfast. I was impressed because this was the third time I had to be induced and the previous two times I had been told not to eat after midnight. As a side note, during my other inductions I wasn't allowed to eat and was only allowed ice chips, not even water. This time they brought me toast when I asked for it and I was allowed all the grape or apple juice I could desire. To say I was impressed would be an understatement.

Anyways, so we got up at O dark thirty and stopped at Village Inn for breakfast. I cried during breakfast and before we left the house. I'm going to own that right now. I was crying because I was scared. Induction is not fun and my induction plan (personally) did not include medication. The reason I chose not to plan for medication was because my epidural failed so spectacularly with Lizzie that I just couldn't do that to myself again and decided I would mentally prepare for an unmediated induction.

So we get to the hospital and it takes about an hour to get my hooked up, settled in the room, and my IV started. My midwife shows up and confirms what I had found out the day before, that I was 2 centimeters dilated and "soft". I almost came off the table during that check and every one after that. They also informed me that while my baby had been facing Posterior (sunny side up or his face was facing my belly button) he was now sideways but still head down. This was good news and we prayed as a group (midwife and both nurses included) that he would turn to be face down or facing my back. It's an easier way to have a baby. I delivered Lizzie sunny side up and it's what made my anticipation of labor anxiety riddled.

At about 9am (I think) my Mother In Law, Leslie showed up at the hospital. Micah started his nap on the couch.

Between 10am and 11am (I think) they started my Pitocin. They started it out slowly and the plan was to jack it up in intervals of 3 (I can't tell you 3 what though) every half hour. Within about 30 minutes of starting the Pitocin I started having menstrual cramps.

Let me stop here for a second and tell you, if you've never labored without Pitocin, you are lucky, lucky people. Pitocin is ROUGH and jacking it up hurts. I knew this going in. I dealt with it when I had Lizzie and while I had some drugs in my IV with her I did okay overall with it. But it hurts.

Micah goes to get Kylie from school around 11am. Things were slow going and I decided we should get her then before all the chaos of birth were to happen. Kylie gets there and promptly falls asleep on the couch until 5pm.

My Midwife broke my water sometime around 2pm. More Pitocin. I was allowed to sit in the rocking chair and was offered to sit on the birthing ball. I chose the rocking chair.

Also, at some point I mentioned to my midwife and my nurses that I wasn't planning on an epidural because mine had failed last time. They suggested I talk to the anesthesiologist if I was open to the idea of it because in all her years of practicing, my Midwife had never seen an epidural fail with this guy. His name was John.

We spent some time discussing why my last one had failed and he gave me some possible reasons and explained how he does the epidurals and how to prevent the failure of them. I decided to think about it.

From here the contractions continued, we watched a lot of Law & Order on the TV in the room and Micah sang to me during contractions. My mother in law talked to me some but what helped the most was Micah singing to me. This was a new preference for me as in previous deliveries I wanted silence during a contraction. This time during the contractions I would breath and lean into my husbands neck and he would sing to me. I just wanted the noise to distract me from thinking or dwelling on the contraction.

At about 4pm my midwife checked me and I was at 4 cm. I wanted to die. I had been on the stupid Pitocin at that point for 6 hours and had only gotten an extra 2 cm dilated. My nurses assured me that getting to 4 was the hardest part and now it should speed up.

At about 8pm I was starting to cry when the contractions would start. Because they hurt, if you didn't know. I was still on the Pitocin and it was crazy high and they just kept increasing it and now my water was broken and it just felt like every contraction was going to kill me. Didn't help my moral that I wasn't dilated very far. My Midwife had put on some lavender aromatherapy for me and we had dimmed the lights and she had electric tea lights all over the room and that was lovely and amazing. My mother in law had rubbed my very swollen feet but I was just crying through the contractions and the singing was starting not to help anymore. I asked for the epidural.

John appeared within moments and had me set within 10 minutes I would say. I had a spinal with an epidural chaser which means I felt immediate relief from the contractions but that eventually the spinal would wear off and the epidural would kick in. I was initially numb from my mid-ribcage down but as the spinal wore off my epidural kept me numb from about mid-belly down. Now, please, don't confuse numb with can't feel anything. I still felt pressure during contractions. Which were 2 minutes apart and lasting about a minute and had been since 10am.

I asked Micah if we could name the baby John after my epidural hero. He thought I was joking.

At about 10pm I started shaking and having a bit more pain during the contractions. My midwife checked me and I was at 8.5-9cms. They had John the Epidural Hero come back and top off my medication which was lovely but at this point I knew I was in transition and could feel the pressure of the baby and contractions.

At about 11pm (This is where my memory is fuzzy) I was complete and it was time to push. My midwife told me to give a practice push. I did. The baby was suddenly in my birth canal and I freaked out. Epidural wasn't a failure but it was done wonderfully so that I still had the urge to push and could feel the contractions. I hurt. And I refused to push anymore.

Leslie tells me that I told people not to touch me. I believe her but I don't remember it. I remember my midwife telling me it was time for the baby to be born and she had her gloves and "suit" on for it. I remember people telling me to grab the back of my legs to push and me refusing. I just refused to push. I kept telling people (I think) that I would push with the next contraction and then fighting each contraction that came along and pretending I wasn't having one so they wouldn't tell me to push. (I know now that no one was convinced)

But here's what I love. My midwife let me. My midwife didn't "make" me and didn't force Micah and Leslie to hold my legs for me or anything. She let me say no. And say no I did for several contractions.

The thing with nature and contractions though, is you can't fight it forever. Despite me telling everyone in the room I didn't want to do it and that I had changed my mind and would wait until Monday (My sad attempt at humor), I HAD to push that baby at some point. I didn't have a choice.

So I finally pushed. I don't remember anything else in the world at that point except Micah talking to me. He was encouraging and helping and holding my leg (I did refuse to grab my thighs for the most part). I pushed again. And everyone was silent. Then Micah started talking about the baby's hair and it was curly he said. Then my midwife said, "Now push his shoulders out."

I had no idea his head was out. So I pushed again and felt him slide out but am still a little shocked that I had no idea his head was out until after the fact. Essentially 3-4 pushes for that baby to be born at 11:31pm.

They laid him on my chest and we wiped him down and that child had more hair than I have ever seen on a baby.

During the birth Kylie hid in the bathroom (a pre-designed spot she and Leslie had discussed if she didn't want to witness the actual birth) but she did hear me and I remember looking over to my right and seeing her standing there staring at me and her new brother while he was still connected to my via the umbilical cord. She looked a little shell shocked frankly.

Micah cut the cord, and I asked them to weigh the baby. He weighed in at 8lbs 5 oz and was 20 inches long. The hair on that child probably added at least 2 oz.

So all in all, he took awhile to get here but when he arrived (downward facing, BTW) it was well worth it with all of the not pushing a lot and oh, no rips or tears. Meaning no stitches for me this time, Whooo Hooo!

(I had no rips with Kylie either but with Lizzie, because of the face up position, I had 2. It took me forever to recover from that.)

Nursing took awhile to get established and he had some jaundice which required him to be under the special lights for a few hours but we were able to leave the hospital Sunday early afternoon which I liked.

Overall, happy mommy, healthy baby, proud daddy and adoring big sisters. We couldn't feel happier or more blessed with our newest addition.

Here is Will, a mere hour or two after his birth.