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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Hanging on with two hands

In two weeks I will be the mother of a 16 year old.

16.

Sweet 16.

I actually struggle to wrap my mind around such a thing because I keep thinking that it must be impossible.

How can my little girl be almost 16?

I still remember her staring at my mother with rapt attention as a new born while my mother sang her the "onsie song".

I can still feel the spit from her spit wet open mouth kisses on my cheek at 1.

Our family STILL says "Doing?" as short hand for "what are you doing?" just like she did at 2.

I remember the elaborate dance she made up to "Rum Tum Tugger" from the musical "Cats" when she was 3.

When she was 4 she could already read fluently.

She was 5 when the school district told me in Tucson that it didn't matter if she was reading college level material, she wasn't starting Kindergarten that year.

At 6 she fully believed in magic, so much that her birthday party included a magician.

I can still hear her at 7 making up stories with her grandma over the phone for hours.

When she was eight she chose going to Alaska to see her family over a birthday party and wound up with a surprise stop in Disneyland.

She was almost 9 when she called me at work to find out if she was going to have a little brother or a little sister.

I can still see her writing her letter for her grandmothers casket at almost 10. She had more poise during that time than any adult in the room.

At 11 she would still hold my hand at the store and didn't care if anyone saw.

I can still hear her singing in the basement at 12 loudly and like no one was listening.

I can see her crying uncontrollably at 13 and being so angry that I couldn't seem to help her.

When she was 14 she handled her parents divorce with grace I myself rarely felt.

I can still hear her at 15 screaming at me that she hated me.

And now, here she is 2 weeks from 16.

I am so excited for her as she grows and develops into the amazing young woman she is meant to be. But I still don't know that I'm ready for 16.

Luckily I have two more weeks of a 15 year old. And I'm going to hold on to every second of it.