Not a real wedding

Micah's sweet sister said this to me, obviously disappointed for me last Wednesday. I *think* she might have been asking if we were going to have a reception later to which I believe I responded no. Or I could be making that up. In any case Melissa did express some disappointment on my behalf that I wouldn't have a real wedding. I tried to assuage her fears by telling her I had experienced a REAL wedding once. Look how that turned out.

I didn't have time or words to really express what I was thinking at that moment. But I want to take a second now because I've had some other beautiful, well meaning people, express disappointment for me that I didn't have the beautiful white wedding. Or that I don't feel that this wedding was "special", probably because I went to work the next day.

First, I will say, I am blessed to have so many people who love me and care about me enough to worry about this for me. Much like my mother worried I would feel bad about missing Prom or my step-mother worried I would miss the true college "experience". People truly love and care about me. I appreciate all of that.

Honestly, part of me is sad that I missed those other rites of passage. And while I'm glad to be done with the wedding part of my life I am a little disappointed that I didn't get the big white wedding. But the reality is I wouldn't have gotten the big white wedding if we hadn't eloped anyways. I'm pregnant. Getting larger every day. And when it comes to money I would rather spend my dollars saving for my maternity leave than paying for wedding invitations. I don't have the time or resources to have my "Dream" wedding that involves violins, lush public gardens and $3000 for a wedding photographer. I frankly don't have the groom for it either.

At my first wedding I walked down the aisle to the Bridal Procession and I had the white large fairytale dress. I had flowers and was married in a church by a Christian minister. I had a reception and a cake and gifts. But as I was standing up at the alter I remember thinking to myself, "Why doesn't this feel special? Why does today feel like any other day?" I generally chalked that up to the fact that I felt that no one at my wedding was happy to be getting married, especially my groom. A funny story that my now ex-husband told at my mothers funeral was when he first saw me walking down the aisle. I was smiling and laughing as I walked down and I looked so happy.

The truth was, and he found out later, that as we began walking down the aisle my mother leaned over and whisper "You don't have to go through with this. We can still cancel."

My wedding to Micah included no music. 5 sunflowers. No white dress, no mom walking me down the aisle. My minister was non-denominational and I was married outside barefoot with mosquito's and shade. And I don't remember a single person being in my world when we said our vows. I do remember almost crying. I remember he did too. I don't remember my audience and all I kept thinking was how much I loved that man. That's huge. That means everything to me. That tells me that maybe I got it right this time.

When I said my vows I was only making legal what I already felt. I wasn't getting married because I had to, because I wanted someone to make me feel something else or to show anyone anything. I got married because I can't imagine my life being anywhere else than right where it is. I want to make plans and walk our road together for the rest of my life. I already said vows in my soul to him long before I said those vows in the garden.

For me, and I realize this isn't for everyone and this certainly doesn't say anything about how I feel about other weddings, because anytime you feed me for almost free, I wanna be there, but I was ready for the wedding to be over and for the marriage to begin. I was ready to be legal to change my name and make financial plans with him. The wedding was simply the ceremony with which I chose to do that. And so mine was short and simple and pretty much us. (Short and simple people)

I wont lie though. Planning somewhere along the line of 500 weddings, quinceanera and Christmas parties didn't hurt fulfilling that fairytale wedding fantasy though.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9! (Or Seven ate Nine!)

Sunday night, after a harrowing day of wedding invitiation shopping, I came home, sat down and said "enough". I was tired of planning. I was tired of running around. I was tired of trying to budget. I asked Micah if we could just elope. I think the joy in his eyes at the suggestion was enough to tell me I was on the right track.

I asked him what day he would like to get married. He said "I have Wednesday or Sunday off this week."

He also asked if I was sure. As I mulled the question over in my mind for a minute I checked my email. The top email was from a wedding invitee asking if I would mind making my wedding time later in the day (actually evening) so they could make the season opener of a football game.

I'm not saying this to be harsh or mean or woe is me. But we had such a small guest list and this person was actually from my side of the guest list which was considerably smaller than Micah's. The fact that my wedding even had to compete with a football game pretty much confirmed to me how unimportant my event was to others. At least to some others. It also confirmed that we should just elope and save ourselves the time, money and stress. If my wedding wasn't good enough to skip a football game for to 2 of the literally 6 people I had on my invite list (that's a third of my invite list folks) then I didn't want to waste anymore time on it.

I called a minister on Monday morning and paid the fee and we wrote our vows on the way to the Colorado courthouse to get the license.

The thing with Colorado that makes it a great destination wedding is that there is no waiting period. You just go down, pay your $30 and you get a license. That day. We did that Tuesday since we had already taken the day off for Dr's appointments (1 lb weight gain in the month for me!) and errands (adding my name to his bank account). We told one online friend.

Micah called and asked his Grandma to come to dinner at his mothers house on Wednesday. She didn't hesitate to say yes. Micah asked his father to come to dinner. He wouldn't. Micah told him it was really important and he wouldn't ask if it wasn't a big deal. He still wouldn't. He told him (via Grandma and a lot of phone calls) that we were eloping Wednesday. He still wouldn't. Once again, loved ones telling us that our wedding wasn't important enough to them. More confirmation that we were glad we weren't wasting more money and time on this.

I had tricked Micah's sister Melissa into coming to Leslie (Micah's moms) house by telling her it was to assist with wedding invitations. Leslie was told via Micah it was to sit down with all women in the room and do wedding planning. I showed up and Leslie helped me carry what I'm sure seemed like a ridiculous amount of food into the house and a bag of invitation makings and other assorted items (non-traditional wedding dress & marriage license).

As Micah's sister Mel pulled up with her kids and my youngest child who had spent the night at her house the night before I asked Leslie to read the wedding announcement we had created the night before. Those reading should expect those in the next week or so via mail. As I let Mel and her family in the door I was under the impression that she already knew as Micah had told me that the only way to get his brother in law to come was to tattle. Apparently he didn't actually tattle because BIL didn't come initially. But I didn't realize that.

It took Leslie quite some time to read the announcement and then you could see the confusion before she spoke. She told me later she just assumed it was a sample and we had simply gone to the courthouse to get our license. Her question to me was "did you get married?" I said no.
"But we will be in about 30 minutes." More confused look. "Here"

That's when Crazy started. Melissa said something along the lines of WHAT and Leslie looked SHOCKED and I told them we were eloping tonight at the house in the backyard. We all went to the bedroom (two of us faster than the pregnant bride) to change clothes and prep. There was a lot of madness of changing and explaining and talking.

The only part of the whole thing that I regret is that Micah's stepdad Rex couldn't be there. We honestly couldn't think of a way to ask him to drive 2 hours from where he's been working during the week and then back 2 hours without telling him it was a wedding. And we wanted the wedding to be a surprise to everyone for the exact reason of avoiding the Crazy. If we had told him he would have told his wife and then our cover would have been blown. There would have been massive amounts of Crazy everywhere. Rex is a wonderful man and of all the father figures that we have in our lives he is the one who was geniunly happy we were getting married, happy for us and loves us wholy and unconditionally. He loves my children like they are his own and is happy to share all that he has and all knowledge he posses. The fact that he wasn't there yesterday is the only part that I would change if I could.

The minister, Maureen, and her husband Jeremy, showed up at 7pm. She was dressed in her robes, we had about 10 minutes of prep and then Lulu and P acted as flower girl and ring bearer offically while Kylie walked me down the aisle. My bouqet was 5 sunflowers and I wore a red dress that I had bought for Cancun. Micah wore a white shirt, also for Cancun, and pants. I'll post our vows tomorrow as this is already wordy and long but it was beautiful and perfect and everything we both could have wanted.

We dined on BBQ (from a place called Piggin' Out) and a fruit and veggie tray and had chocolate and strawberry cake from King Soopers. We got home close to 11pm and were wiped out but happy.

I'm now, officially, Lacy Gonzales.

Funniest moment of the day yesterday:
When I told the grisled old guy at the BBQ place that the food was for my wedding and that I was getting married in about 30 minutes he said "Mozl tov". I kid you not. And gave me an extra potato salad.