But here is a gratuitous baby shot for you.
You're welcome.
More you say?
Will love carrots 100%.
Ruthie Growing Rapidly
13 years ago
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Happy Thursday
It's almost Memorial Day and I'm pretty busy with work and the family this week.
But here is a gratuitous baby shot for you.
Will love carrots 100%.
But here is a gratuitous baby shot for you.
Will love carrots 100%.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The death of the mother is the first sorrow wept without her
Dear Mama,
What a difference a year makes, right?
As you know, I managed to elope last July and quickly have my 1 year anniversary approaching. I think it’s fitting that for this anniversary I’m taking Micah to Alaska. I feel like when we get there he’ll understand me better (although he pretty well understands me now). I feel like he’ll help me to see the magic of Alaska again since I haven’t been able to even stomach the idea of it since you left. True, I did go back to Alaska once, when Lizzie was around 2. The magic was gone and nothing I did would bring it back. I’m hoping that by showing Micah my childhood places and things that were important and meant something to you and me some of that magic will come back. I would like to be able to think of Alaska as my home and not just the place I grew up from time to time.
I had a baby too. My first (and only) boy. He is pretty much the spitting imagine of me as a baby (despite Micah’s claims to the contrary) and is precious. He has the fat rolls that you always loved in your grandchildren and I can’t help but think you would enjoy all the belly laughs and sloppy kisses he likes to give. I can see that picture of you as an infant, the black and white one, and I think he probably is the baby that most resembles that picture. I wish you could have made up songs while you changed his diaper and fed him inappropriate foods when I wasn’t looking.
His name is William. Dora reminded me that William Doyle was a pretty well known character from our family history and so that helps tie him to you in my mind since I just couldn’t bring myself to name him Julian. Sorry. Additionally it is thought that Mr. Darcy in the Pride & Prejudice saga was named Fitzwilliam Darcy. I’m going with it which would make me 2 for 3 on characters named for Pride & Prejudice characters. If only Kylie would let me change her name to Jane (although she probably is more of a Lydia) I could be 3 for 3. She’s no fun.
Speaking of Kylie, she has made a super improvement from last year and is hurling head first towards high school. I can’t imagine my baby in high school and yet I am so excited for her at the same time. It’s odd to me to think that when you left she was only 9. She wasn’t even in the double digits. Now she’s about to be a freshman in high school and we are having serious discussions about college majors and campus tours. How can 5 years have flown by so quickly and how can a person have changed so much in that time?
The other day Nana sent Lizzie a Kindergarten graduation card. She wrote in it that you had bought the card for Kylie when she was in Kinder but had forgotten to send it. So that in a way, it’s like you sent the card to Lizzie, just that Nana wrote the words. I cried after she read it to me. Her response was “Grandma Julie? I love my Grandma Julie!”
Interestingly enough, Micah pulled out a tub that had been in my shed for, oh, about 5 years. He told me there were some clothes in. I went to take a look and oddly enough, it was full of clothes from when Kylie was wearing a 5-7. Most of them are Gymboree and so it was almost like getting a care package from you for Lizzie. We put it back and will go through everything this fall when she moves up to a 6, in age, if not in size.
Brian got married last week Mom. It was hard. Harder than I thought it would be and I still can not bring myself to ask Kylie how it went. She has blessedly not tried to tell me about it either. I know that he and I have been divorced for well over a year and I think you’ll agree, I’m in a much better place now, but he married HER. The night of his wedding I was so wishing I could call you and rage about how unfair it is that he married her and she got to have a huge wedding and large reception and wear white when she is HER. I know you would have understood since Harvey also married your HER. I can hear you in my mind saying, “NO FAIR NO FAIR!” That’s how I felt that night, like a child saying NO FAIR!
Work continues to be work. I test for my PHR next month which is stressful because of the studying. I’ve never been good at studying and this is stressful, knowing I need to know everything about everything and not being sure that I can or do. Sometimes things happen at work that I just wish I could talk to a more seasoned HR person and say “What the hell is wrong with those people?” I know you’d get that.
5 years Mom. How can it have been 5 years already since you left? I keep trying to tell myself that you had to go. God had bigger plans for you. You’re in a better place and I shouldn’t want you to come home. Except you raised a very selfish, spoiled brat, and all I can say is, I wasn’t ready yet. I still needed my Mommy. Being an adult is only an illusion and it’s only based on age and those times when I really, really, really need you I think that it’s NO FAIR NO FAIR!
I need to close now Mom. But I want to tell you about a dream I had not long ago about you.
It was you and I and Micah and we were going on a cruise to Mexico. We were at the dock, about to get onboard and you told me you didn’t have your passport. I got really frustrated with you because you were going to need it if you were going to depart the ship. I told you I would run home to grab but and you told me that it was expired. And I was mad at you because you died long after US Citizens needed their passports to get into Mexico and I told you that you knew better. I told you that when you were alive a US Passport was needed to get into Mexico and now I didn’t know if you could even come on the trip with us. You told me that you could get on the ship but you wouldn’t be able to come with Micah and me where we were going.
I know there is meaning there Mom. I know you’re with me in Spirit, if not in Body. But I just can’t help but remember how angry I was that you hadn’t bothered to renew your passport so you could come with me anyways. I wish you could come with us. Still.
Love,
Pumpkin Head
What a difference a year makes, right?
As you know, I managed to elope last July and quickly have my 1 year anniversary approaching. I think it’s fitting that for this anniversary I’m taking Micah to Alaska. I feel like when we get there he’ll understand me better (although he pretty well understands me now). I feel like he’ll help me to see the magic of Alaska again since I haven’t been able to even stomach the idea of it since you left. True, I did go back to Alaska once, when Lizzie was around 2. The magic was gone and nothing I did would bring it back. I’m hoping that by showing Micah my childhood places and things that were important and meant something to you and me some of that magic will come back. I would like to be able to think of Alaska as my home and not just the place I grew up from time to time.
I had a baby too. My first (and only) boy. He is pretty much the spitting imagine of me as a baby (despite Micah’s claims to the contrary) and is precious. He has the fat rolls that you always loved in your grandchildren and I can’t help but think you would enjoy all the belly laughs and sloppy kisses he likes to give. I can see that picture of you as an infant, the black and white one, and I think he probably is the baby that most resembles that picture. I wish you could have made up songs while you changed his diaper and fed him inappropriate foods when I wasn’t looking.
His name is William. Dora reminded me that William Doyle was a pretty well known character from our family history and so that helps tie him to you in my mind since I just couldn’t bring myself to name him Julian. Sorry. Additionally it is thought that Mr. Darcy in the Pride & Prejudice saga was named Fitzwilliam Darcy. I’m going with it which would make me 2 for 3 on characters named for Pride & Prejudice characters. If only Kylie would let me change her name to Jane (although she probably is more of a Lydia) I could be 3 for 3. She’s no fun.
Speaking of Kylie, she has made a super improvement from last year and is hurling head first towards high school. I can’t imagine my baby in high school and yet I am so excited for her at the same time. It’s odd to me to think that when you left she was only 9. She wasn’t even in the double digits. Now she’s about to be a freshman in high school and we are having serious discussions about college majors and campus tours. How can 5 years have flown by so quickly and how can a person have changed so much in that time?
The other day Nana sent Lizzie a Kindergarten graduation card. She wrote in it that you had bought the card for Kylie when she was in Kinder but had forgotten to send it. So that in a way, it’s like you sent the card to Lizzie, just that Nana wrote the words. I cried after she read it to me. Her response was “Grandma Julie? I love my Grandma Julie!”
Interestingly enough, Micah pulled out a tub that had been in my shed for, oh, about 5 years. He told me there were some clothes in. I went to take a look and oddly enough, it was full of clothes from when Kylie was wearing a 5-7. Most of them are Gymboree and so it was almost like getting a care package from you for Lizzie. We put it back and will go through everything this fall when she moves up to a 6, in age, if not in size.
Brian got married last week Mom. It was hard. Harder than I thought it would be and I still can not bring myself to ask Kylie how it went. She has blessedly not tried to tell me about it either. I know that he and I have been divorced for well over a year and I think you’ll agree, I’m in a much better place now, but he married HER. The night of his wedding I was so wishing I could call you and rage about how unfair it is that he married her and she got to have a huge wedding and large reception and wear white when she is HER. I know you would have understood since Harvey also married your HER. I can hear you in my mind saying, “NO FAIR NO FAIR!” That’s how I felt that night, like a child saying NO FAIR!
Work continues to be work. I test for my PHR next month which is stressful because of the studying. I’ve never been good at studying and this is stressful, knowing I need to know everything about everything and not being sure that I can or do. Sometimes things happen at work that I just wish I could talk to a more seasoned HR person and say “What the hell is wrong with those people?” I know you’d get that.
5 years Mom. How can it have been 5 years already since you left? I keep trying to tell myself that you had to go. God had bigger plans for you. You’re in a better place and I shouldn’t want you to come home. Except you raised a very selfish, spoiled brat, and all I can say is, I wasn’t ready yet. I still needed my Mommy. Being an adult is only an illusion and it’s only based on age and those times when I really, really, really need you I think that it’s NO FAIR NO FAIR!
I need to close now Mom. But I want to tell you about a dream I had not long ago about you.
It was you and I and Micah and we were going on a cruise to Mexico. We were at the dock, about to get onboard and you told me you didn’t have your passport. I got really frustrated with you because you were going to need it if you were going to depart the ship. I told you I would run home to grab but and you told me that it was expired. And I was mad at you because you died long after US Citizens needed their passports to get into Mexico and I told you that you knew better. I told you that when you were alive a US Passport was needed to get into Mexico and now I didn’t know if you could even come on the trip with us. You told me that you could get on the ship but you wouldn’t be able to come with Micah and me where we were going.
I know there is meaning there Mom. I know you’re with me in Spirit, if not in Body. But I just can’t help but remember how angry I was that you hadn’t bothered to renew your passport so you could come with me anyways. I wish you could come with us. Still.
Love,
Pumpkin Head
Harvest
So my little container garden has started producing some kinds of food which is exciting for me. Exciting but not exactly filling.
You've already seen the first strawberries that we had.
Now behold, my first sugar snap pea.
You've already seen the first strawberries that we had.
Now behold, my first sugar snap pea.
For some idea of the actual size of this pea:
I ate it. I didn't even wash it. And it was sweet and tasty and I savored all 3 bites of that thing.
Luckily it appears my sugar snap peas have more pods growing on them so hopefully that's not the only pea I'll get for the year.
Also, this weekend Lizzie and I harvested these beauties:
Lizzie ate them all with no regard to me or my feelings.* She said they were breakfast. Meanie.
The onions continue to appear to do well, the radishes are poking up and I recently planted some tomato plants. The one I put in the Topsy Turvy is not doing well but the others seem to be doing great. I'll have to fix that Topsy Turvy thing this weekend, I think it's lacking enough sunlight.
The next several months promise to be full of warm days and not so chilly nights so hopefully my plants will continue to thrive and I might actually see a carrot or cucumber some day.
* Totally not true, she offered me one. The smallest, most deformed looking one, but she did offer it. When I declined there was no looking back though, she shoved that thing in her mouth faster than I've ever seen her eat anything.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
The Pinata Fairy
I have no problem lying to my children.
Examples:
Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy. Eat that, it will make you grow bigger. You get the idea.
My newest one though is the one I'm most proud of. My latest lie is....
The Pinata Fairy.
The Pinata Fairy is a VERY special fairy. She comes to visit children who aren't culturally inclined to jump into a pile of 12 other children, ages 2-16 and fight for strawberry flavored wrapped candies and leaves tootsie rolls under their pillows. FLAVORED tooties rolls.
The neighbors have a birthday party seemingly every other weekend and Lizzie is always there, hanging out with the kids. I don't go because, well, we aren't actually invited, Lizzie just ends up there with her best friend Leslie and the various other friends over there. But today, well, there was a pinata. A pinata with candy.
Lizzie had never actually SEEN a pinata and did not know that it was acceptable to beat other children and fight for the candy that falls out of it after beating the paper mache animal blindly with a stick.
So she came home in tears because she was only able to get about 3 pieces of candy and the other kids got more and laughed at her because she didn't know what to do.
Enter me and the secret of the Pinata Fairy.
And later, a 10:30pm run to the nearest 7-11 to get the flavored tootsie rolls of magic.
I just hope she shares the cherry ones with me. Those are my favorite.
Micah just shook his head when I told him about the Pinata Fairy. He apparently never came up short on the candy from those things.
Examples:
Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy. Eat that, it will make you grow bigger. You get the idea.
My newest one though is the one I'm most proud of. My latest lie is....
The Pinata Fairy.
The Pinata Fairy is a VERY special fairy. She comes to visit children who aren't culturally inclined to jump into a pile of 12 other children, ages 2-16 and fight for strawberry flavored wrapped candies and leaves tootsie rolls under their pillows. FLAVORED tooties rolls.
The neighbors have a birthday party seemingly every other weekend and Lizzie is always there, hanging out with the kids. I don't go because, well, we aren't actually invited, Lizzie just ends up there with her best friend Leslie and the various other friends over there. But today, well, there was a pinata. A pinata with candy.
Lizzie had never actually SEEN a pinata and did not know that it was acceptable to beat other children and fight for the candy that falls out of it after beating the paper mache animal blindly with a stick.
So she came home in tears because she was only able to get about 3 pieces of candy and the other kids got more and laughed at her because she didn't know what to do.
Enter me and the secret of the Pinata Fairy.
And later, a 10:30pm run to the nearest 7-11 to get the flavored tootsie rolls of magic.
I just hope she shares the cherry ones with me. Those are my favorite.
Micah just shook his head when I told him about the Pinata Fairy. He apparently never came up short on the candy from those things.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Dear William (6 month addition)
Dear William,
How can you be 6 months old already? Weren't you born just yesterday?
I love seeing how big you've gotten and already feel a sense of sadness that I can no longer remember you as a teeny-tiny newborn. You are certainly a "big boy" now with your fat thighs and chubby fingers and while I love to kiss each and every roll on you I am a little sad for the scrawny chicken legs of 6 months ago. Where did the time go?
While you have occasionally rolled over from time to time (most notably at your 4 month check up) it wasn't until this week that you really started rolling on purpose. I love the surprise of laying you on your back, only to see you on your tummy 4 seconds later. You seem pretty proud of yourself.
You are officially in your crib now to sleep for naps and at night. You seem to relish all the room you have an I constantly wake up with you having done a 180 in the middle of the night. But still sucking your thumb.
You are outgrowing your "baby" items by leaps and bounds. After finding you like this the other day I realized you are probably pretty much done with your swing.
How can you be 6 months old already? Weren't you born just yesterday?
I love seeing how big you've gotten and already feel a sense of sadness that I can no longer remember you as a teeny-tiny newborn. You are certainly a "big boy" now with your fat thighs and chubby fingers and while I love to kiss each and every roll on you I am a little sad for the scrawny chicken legs of 6 months ago. Where did the time go?
While you have occasionally rolled over from time to time (most notably at your 4 month check up) it wasn't until this week that you really started rolling on purpose. I love the surprise of laying you on your back, only to see you on your tummy 4 seconds later. You seem pretty proud of yourself.
You are officially in your crib now to sleep for naps and at night. You seem to relish all the room you have an I constantly wake up with you having done a 180 in the middle of the night. But still sucking your thumb.
You are outgrowing your "baby" items by leaps and bounds. After finding you like this the other day I realized you are probably pretty much done with your swing.
This morning you woke yourself up by rolling over in the middle of the night and wound up on your stomach. You've never slept on your stomach and this morning you seemed so confused as to how you wound up on your tummy. I heard you in the crib, you're little starfish hand opening and closing against the mattress and every so often I would hear your head drop down. You were tired but you didn't fuss or even make a vocal noise. When I got up to help you I could see the confusion in your face. How did you get on your tummy and how did I know to come help?
Get used to hearing this now: Mom's know everything. My mother told it to me, your sisters have already accepted it and now you too will learn. I know everything about everything. You needed help this morning so I helped you. And fed you 8 ounces of warm milk. I am awesome like that.
You have started sucking on your toe lately which I find ridiculous because I can see that the effort of getting your hamhock thigh over your belly and that toe into your mouth takes quite a bit of effort and yet, you continue to attempt it every time your diaper is changed.
Your personality is really starting to show and while you can still get quite pensive and serious you more often than not have a happy, toothless smile on your face. When you see anyone you tend to have a smile for them although your favorite people seem to be your daddy, the dogs, your great-grandma and your grandma.
This month you discovered your love for peas. The moment I put them in your mouth a big smile erupted all over your face and you could not get enough. If you have the coordination I think you would have licked the bowl clean of them. As it was you used two spoons to eat them as the single spoon method did not seem fast enough.
You love to put things in your mouth and are by far my most oral baby. You will put every.single.thing in your mouth. I don't mind when its appropriate, like toys, spoons or even people from time to time but you need to learn quickly that the dog, the cat and my shoes are not appropriate items. Especially the cat. I know where he's been.
You continue to suck your thumb at night and during the day some and I find it adorable. I'm sure I'll hate it when it comes time for you to stop but for right now it's the cutest thing I've ever seen. I've been a mom three times, I know cute.
I love you buddy. You and your Cookie Monster.
Love,
Mama
PS: When do you think teeth will be showing up? Just so I can prepare....
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Conversations with Lizzie...and Sweet P
Me: Girls, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Lizzie: A Human.
Me: A good choice.
Sweet P: A Crossing Guard.
Me: Also a good choice.
Lizzie: No wait. I want to be a dentist.
Me: No surprise there.
Lizzie: *sigh* I love the dentist.
Me: You are not normal.
Lizzie: A Human.
Me: A good choice.
Sweet P: A Crossing Guard.
Me: Also a good choice.
Lizzie: No wait. I want to be a dentist.
Me: No surprise there.
Lizzie: *sigh* I love the dentist.
Me: You are not normal.
Monday, May 17, 2010
The last time
The last time it was just you and me was a quiet Sunday night.
It was the first Sunday in May and I realized I hadn't nursed you since Thursday. I knew I still had some semblance of milk, but not a lot. Not enough to really feed you. Only enough to comfort you. To give you a reminder of what use to be.
We sat in the rocking chair in the bedroom with the door closed and the lamp turned low and just rocked back and forth.
You were sleepy and within a matter of minutes your eyes rolled back in your head and you closed them for the night. You kept comfort sucking for another 15 minutes or so while I teared up and tried to remember everything about how you looked at that moment.
Your left hand outstretched toward my face but never making it, instead it rested on my chest. Your pale skin golden in the lamp light and your feet crossed at the ankle as you tended to do while nursing.
It was the last time I nursed my last baby. And I miss it.
It was the first Sunday in May and I realized I hadn't nursed you since Thursday. I knew I still had some semblance of milk, but not a lot. Not enough to really feed you. Only enough to comfort you. To give you a reminder of what use to be.
We sat in the rocking chair in the bedroom with the door closed and the lamp turned low and just rocked back and forth.
You were sleepy and within a matter of minutes your eyes rolled back in your head and you closed them for the night. You kept comfort sucking for another 15 minutes or so while I teared up and tried to remember everything about how you looked at that moment.
Your left hand outstretched toward my face but never making it, instead it rested on my chest. Your pale skin golden in the lamp light and your feet crossed at the ankle as you tended to do while nursing.
It was the last time I nursed my last baby. And I miss it.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Bisabuela besos
William delights in visiting his great grandma and now he's just about old enough to show her how he really feels.
Jenny is pretty delighted with him too I think. She talked about his kissing her for the rest of the visit.
Jenny is pretty delighted with him too I think. She talked about his kissing her for the rest of the visit.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Why is it only Thursday?
The baby is sick. Like really sick.
Sunday night he didn't sleep great. I called in late to work.
Monday night he barely slept and was hot. I called in sick.
Tuesday I took him to the Dr who told me the breathing treatments we had been giving him were doing nothing for him (as evidenced by a pulse ox thingamajig) and that he had Bronchialitis and it just needed to run it's course. But if he puked or his eating changed to call.
Tuesday night he was crying, refusing to eat and then, at 3am Wednesday morning, he puked. Everywhere. About half of what he had eaten that day. On me.
The call to the Dr resulted in being told to give him pedilyte and let it's run it's course.
Wednesday my mother in law was gracious enough to stay home with the baby and Micah so I could make the attempt at keeping my job. Layoffs are everywhere and the last thing I need to be out all the time.
Wednesday he fussed all day long and couldn't/wouldn't sleep. When I got home he had dark circles under his eyes and had maybe eaten 8 ounces of formula all day.
He proceeded up cry and not rest until about 2 or 3 Thursday morning at which time he fell into a sound sleep.
I called in sick today. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept well in 4 days.
And while he looks slightly better he's still wheezing, struggling to breath and fussy.
Pray that he at least gets a little more sleep.
Sunday night he didn't sleep great. I called in late to work.
Monday night he barely slept and was hot. I called in sick.
Tuesday I took him to the Dr who told me the breathing treatments we had been giving him were doing nothing for him (as evidenced by a pulse ox thingamajig) and that he had Bronchialitis and it just needed to run it's course. But if he puked or his eating changed to call.
Tuesday night he was crying, refusing to eat and then, at 3am Wednesday morning, he puked. Everywhere. About half of what he had eaten that day. On me.
The call to the Dr resulted in being told to give him pedilyte and let it's run it's course.
Wednesday my mother in law was gracious enough to stay home with the baby and Micah so I could make the attempt at keeping my job. Layoffs are everywhere and the last thing I need to be out all the time.
Wednesday he fussed all day long and couldn't/wouldn't sleep. When I got home he had dark circles under his eyes and had maybe eaten 8 ounces of formula all day.
He proceeded up cry and not rest until about 2 or 3 Thursday morning at which time he fell into a sound sleep.
I called in sick today. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept well in 4 days.
And while he looks slightly better he's still wheezing, struggling to breath and fussy.
Pray that he at least gets a little more sleep.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
We have Berries!
I haven't picked them yet since the very tips are still green but look at THOSE berries!
It's not looking promising for jam at this point however.
Also, it snowed last night and more is predicted for today. I hope my strawberries are fighters!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mothers Day
Mother's Day is, naturally, a bittersweet day to me. On the one hand I am blessed with 3 wonderful children. I know beyond measure how truly blessed I am and how each of them is unique and wonderful and the fact that I get to be their mother is somethings overwhelming. Who thought THAT would be a good idea?
But on the other hand, I am minus a mother. This is the 4th Mother's Day my mom has been gone and it tears me up inside still.
The last Mother's Day she was still here was awful. I knew it was her last. We had been told in February that she might have a year with successful chemo treatment and sheer luck. So while I was expecting one more Christmas with her I knew that May 2005 was her last Mother's Day. And I was heartbroken.
I sent her a poetry book about Mothers and an Iris bookmark and cried repeatedly all day that day. Sometimes the words "I love you" just aren't enough and it felt like no matter how many times I told her I loved her, she would never really know the depth of how I felt about her. How much I needed her. There are no real words to tell someone that honestly.
I know a lot of people feel that way. So they come up with other things to say to convey how much they love someone when " I love you just isn't enough". My mom and I had ours since for a long time it was just the two of us.
Me: How much do you love me Mommy?
Her: Up to the sky and back down again.
At 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 that seems like such a huge amount. That someones love could go all the way up and back down again seems enormous.It still is.
I have very few pictures of my mother and I together growing up. It seems as though she was always the one taking the pictures, whether it be me hanging out with a 20lb cabbage or performing at a Christmas show in the mall or running a mile in 8th grade. She was always there, my childhood is well documented. She and I just don't appear together very often.
I will share this though. Just keep in mind, this was taken June, 1979. I don't have much hair and hers, well, let's just say, it was in style for the times.
I miss you Mommy.
Up to the sky and back down again.
But on the other hand, I am minus a mother. This is the 4th Mother's Day my mom has been gone and it tears me up inside still.
The last Mother's Day she was still here was awful. I knew it was her last. We had been told in February that she might have a year with successful chemo treatment and sheer luck. So while I was expecting one more Christmas with her I knew that May 2005 was her last Mother's Day. And I was heartbroken.
I sent her a poetry book about Mothers and an Iris bookmark and cried repeatedly all day that day. Sometimes the words "I love you" just aren't enough and it felt like no matter how many times I told her I loved her, she would never really know the depth of how I felt about her. How much I needed her. There are no real words to tell someone that honestly.
I know a lot of people feel that way. So they come up with other things to say to convey how much they love someone when " I love you just isn't enough". My mom and I had ours since for a long time it was just the two of us.
Me: How much do you love me Mommy?
Her: Up to the sky and back down again.
At 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 that seems like such a huge amount. That someones love could go all the way up and back down again seems enormous.It still is.
I have very few pictures of my mother and I together growing up. It seems as though she was always the one taking the pictures, whether it be me hanging out with a 20lb cabbage or performing at a Christmas show in the mall or running a mile in 8th grade. She was always there, my childhood is well documented. She and I just don't appear together very often.
I will share this though. Just keep in mind, this was taken June, 1979. I don't have much hair and hers, well, let's just say, it was in style for the times.
I miss you Mommy.Up to the sky and back down again.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Poetry in motion
On April 15th Kylie took place in the first ever Poetry contest for her middle school. She was one of about 10 kids who each performed 2 poems.
The poems could not be their own work and they performed in rounds. All grades were represented.
Kylie performed "Dream within a Dream" by Edgar Allen Poe and "Mungo Jerri" by TS Elliot.
I have video of her performing but can't seem to manage to get it to load at this time. I'll try again, maybe from a different computer later.
Kylie ultimately won 3rd place which everyone in the room was surprised by. We had people after the contest come up and tell us they were sure she had won. Kylie did too.
I honestly thought she had nailed it too but we weren't the judges.
Here is Kylie and the other winners with their large checks. Kylie went by Kodi in language arts class, hence the usage of the name Kodi in the video as well as on the check.
I'm still proud of her and she still walked away with cash. Overall it was a good night.
The poems could not be their own work and they performed in rounds. All grades were represented.
Kylie performed "Dream within a Dream" by Edgar Allen Poe and "Mungo Jerri" by TS Elliot.
I have video of her performing but can't seem to manage to get it to load at this time. I'll try again, maybe from a different computer later.
Kylie ultimately won 3rd place which everyone in the room was surprised by. We had people after the contest come up and tell us they were sure she had won. Kylie did too.
I honestly thought she had nailed it too but we weren't the judges.
Here is Kylie and the other winners with their large checks. Kylie went by Kodi in language arts class, hence the usage of the name Kodi in the video as well as on the check.
I'm still proud of her and she still walked away with cash. Overall it was a good night.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Quilt from Italty
My best friend is named Erin. I probably talk to her on AVERAGE once every 2-3 months and I can't remember the last time I spoke to her on the phone. But I know it was when I had a landline and that's been gone for awhile now.
She and I met in Tucson when we each lived in one side of a connected duplex. She is awesome. I told her that if her husband died I would welcome her to be my sister wife.
The offer still stands.
I lived with her for a couple of months before we moved her because she was pregnant with her first child and her husband was deployed. She held my left leg when I delivered Lizzie.
She also took Lizzie's first pictures moments after birth as well as professionally when she was 8 days old.
I really, really, really miss Erin.
She and her husband and their two kids currently live in Italy on a military tour and I am insanely jealous.
She also has a William which shows her obvious good taste.
She is possibly the most creative person I know and she quilts. I adore Erin's artwork.
She made Kylie a quilt to her specifications when Kylie was 9. It's black and green and Kylie still sleeps with it.
She made Lizzie a quilt right when she was born that is the most beautiful blue and yellow and totally matched the duck theme I had going on at the time.
Today I received her quilt for Will. I honestly wasn't expecting a quilt because usually Erin's process is to know the child a little bit before quilting for them and she's never met my Will.
I think she nailed it though anyway.
It's called the Bear Claw and it's a little bigger than a crib quilt.
A little too close Mom......
Both of my boys liked the quilt. This was taken a split second before one of them tried to shove a corner in his mouth. I'll leave you to guess which one.
She and I met in Tucson when we each lived in one side of a connected duplex. She is awesome. I told her that if her husband died I would welcome her to be my sister wife.
The offer still stands.
I lived with her for a couple of months before we moved her because she was pregnant with her first child and her husband was deployed. She held my left leg when I delivered Lizzie.
She also took Lizzie's first pictures moments after birth as well as professionally when she was 8 days old.
I really, really, really miss Erin.
She and her husband and their two kids currently live in Italy on a military tour and I am insanely jealous.
She also has a William which shows her obvious good taste.
She is possibly the most creative person I know and she quilts. I adore Erin's artwork.
She made Kylie a quilt to her specifications when Kylie was 9. It's black and green and Kylie still sleeps with it.
She made Lizzie a quilt right when she was born that is the most beautiful blue and yellow and totally matched the duck theme I had going on at the time.
Today I received her quilt for Will. I honestly wasn't expecting a quilt because usually Erin's process is to know the child a little bit before quilting for them and she's never met my Will.
I think she nailed it though anyway.
It's called the Bear Claw and it's a little bigger than a crib quilt.
A little too close Mom......
Plenty of room to roll around on.
Both of my boys liked the quilt. This was taken a split second before one of them tried to shove a corner in his mouth. I'll leave you to guess which one.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Sweet Tooth
WARNING!
The following picture has a cuteness factor of 10 on a scale of 1-9.
Viewing the following picture could have any or all of the following side effects:
Loud squeling, ohhing and ahhhing, the irresistable urge to kiss the cheeks of passing children, running around showing of the picture of others and desire to start planning a trip to our house to see the subject of the picture below.
I warned you.
The following picture has a cuteness factor of 10 on a scale of 1-9.
Viewing the following picture could have any or all of the following side effects:
Loud squeling, ohhing and ahhhing, the irresistable urge to kiss the cheeks of passing children, running around showing of the picture of others and desire to start planning a trip to our house to see the subject of the picture below.
I warned you.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Updated Garden photos
Here is a little better representation of what I have going on with my container garden.
You see the three larger containers to the left, three in the middle of those are 3 smaller terra cotta containers and to the left are two more terra cotta containers.
The terra cottas in the front of the larger containers, 2 contain more strawberry plants and the third contains Catmint. It helps keep ants at bay.
Over to the left, those two terra cotta containers contain spearmint and peppermint. Those also keep ants away which is why they are placed so close to the door.
Here is our gazebo. Micah made the door to it and on either side are blueberry blushes, in containers.
All large containers have huge tomato cages to protect them from the dogs.
And despite it being only May 2nd AND Colorado experiencing some cold temperatures and even snow in the last month I present some encouraging items:
Green strawberries
My first pea pod on my tallest sugar snap pea plant.
Radishes whose seeds apparently survived Molly's vicious digging a few weeks ago.
One of my yellow onions that I planted from set and had to save from Molly's digging twice.
Make no mistake, I know this garden wouldn't say, feed us for a winter (or even a summer), I'm just getting a feel for how to grow things and what items work where etc.
My next planting will be my tomatoes which I plant to try in a variety of ways including using a Topsy Turvy and more traditional caged methods. I'll let you know how that works out.
You see the three larger containers to the left, three in the middle of those are 3 smaller terra cotta containers and to the left are two more terra cotta containers.The terra cottas in the front of the larger containers, 2 contain more strawberry plants and the third contains Catmint. It helps keep ants at bay.
Over to the left, those two terra cotta containers contain spearmint and peppermint. Those also keep ants away which is why they are placed so close to the door.
Here is our gazebo. Micah made the door to it and on either side are blueberry blushes, in containers.
All large containers have huge tomato cages to protect them from the dogs.And despite it being only May 2nd AND Colorado experiencing some cold temperatures and even snow in the last month I present some encouraging items:
Green strawberries
My first pea pod on my tallest sugar snap pea plant.
Radishes whose seeds apparently survived Molly's vicious digging a few weeks ago.
One of my yellow onions that I planted from set and had to save from Molly's digging twice.
Make no mistake, I know this garden wouldn't say, feed us for a winter (or even a summer), I'm just getting a feel for how to grow things and what items work where etc.
My next planting will be my tomatoes which I plant to try in a variety of ways including using a Topsy Turvy and more traditional caged methods. I'll let you know how that works out.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Racism
I have never been the recipient of racism. I am a white woman who appears to be of northern European descent. I have blue eyes, red-brown hair (depending on the year) and freckles. I was born into a middle class family and am still part of a middle class family and will always be middle class.I have the sad ability to sunburn at the mere suggestion of a sunny day.
My last name however, is Gonzales. My youngest child's name is Gonzales. And what happened to us last night, I believe, is because of that name.
Last night our day care provider felt that Will was sick. Sicker than he had been. We've all had a cold thing going around our house and Will has probably had it for 2 weeks. But he was wheezing and coughing and having a hard time getting a good breath it sounded like. He wasn't hungry either which is unusual.
So Micah picked him up and we left Kylie in charge of Lizzie and went to the local urgent care. I honestly didn't want to go initially but Micah felt it was important and I'm glad we went.
We were seen right away and they gave Will steroids that he didn't like. They determined he had a slight fever as well and so gave him a breathing treatment that he hated.
His breathing for a time was better after the treatment and then it got bad again. So they had us give him another breathing treatment, which he again hated. He got better and then got bad again.
They also took chest Xrays. I cried.
We felt his wheezing start back up and felt like at anytime the Dr would come back and check him again. That a nurse would come listen to him and hear his breathing. I began to get busy trying to figure out if Kylie could babysit Lizzie all night or if I would need their stepmother to come get them.
A little over an hour after we had last seen a nurse a woman in scrubs walks in with a box and asks if the machine is for us. Well we have no idea. She asks is this is William Garcia. I say no, Gonzales. She shrugs. As is to say whatever, Garcia. Gonzales, same thing. She proceeds to explain that she's brought a take home oxygen thing to give him breathing treatments at home.
This is where it all dawned on me. She started to fill out the paperwork and remarked that we didn't have insurance.
Indeed, we do have insurance. We actually have dual insurance. I have ridiculously good coverage and Micah has pretty decent back up coverage. Most of the time we don't even have to pay a co-pay or meet any deductibles. We pay a pretty penny for this coverage (around $400 a month total) .
So we looked at each other and remarked that no, we do have coverage, in fact we have two policies. She seemed surprised. She looked at the paperwork. She called and spoke with someone stating that we did, in fact, have insurance and should we still get the machine.
The way she spoke made it seem as if the machine was for poor people with no insurance. Or that because we had insurance maybe something else would be done. Or maybe we weren't supposed to be given the machine at all.
In the end, we still got that machine and I had to fill out a sales and rental receipt for the machine.
A few minutes later a nurse came in with a prescription and horrible instructions. If he starts wheezing again (he already is) then give him this treatment, here are some samples and here is a prescription. The prescription is for, wait for it, 50 VIALS of the medication to put in the neublizer. And some steroids. No information on the steroids.
Micah asks some questions because the prescription says to give it to him every 4 hours but she's saying to do it whenever. That's not helpful.
As we were walking out, I checked out and had a $65 co-pay for the ER visit. That does not include the Urgent Care visit either.
I feel like we got the bare minimum of care. That we never saw another Dr or Nurse because the hospital assumed we didn't have insurance. Well, not the hospital, but the people IN the hospital. We were sent home with a baby that was still wheezing and coughing and continued for a portion of the night and even this morning needed yet another breathing treatment.
I feel like it was because of our last name. I feel like the Scrubs lady's attitude regarding his last name was overt and I will never again return to Aurora South Emergency Room.
And I will not shut my mouth because of a consult. I will go where I want to go, where I think the level of care will be best. Not where the closest place necessarily is.
My last name however, is Gonzales. My youngest child's name is Gonzales. And what happened to us last night, I believe, is because of that name.
Last night our day care provider felt that Will was sick. Sicker than he had been. We've all had a cold thing going around our house and Will has probably had it for 2 weeks. But he was wheezing and coughing and having a hard time getting a good breath it sounded like. He wasn't hungry either which is unusual.
So Micah picked him up and we left Kylie in charge of Lizzie and went to the local urgent care. I honestly didn't want to go initially but Micah felt it was important and I'm glad we went.
We were seen right away and they gave Will steroids that he didn't like. They determined he had a slight fever as well and so gave him a breathing treatment that he hated.
His breathing for a time was better after the treatment and then it got bad again. So they had us give him another breathing treatment, which he again hated. He got better and then got bad again.
They also took chest Xrays. I cried.
At this point the Dr called the nearest ER and talked to a Pediatric specialist. They recommended we go over there because even though they could get him better he just got worse again. The Dr seemed to thing that we would eventually be admitted.
At this point I wanted to go to Children's Hospital ER but since the Urgent Care Dr had already called I just shut my mouth and went. Never again.
We get to the ER and get taken in right away because Urgent Care had called ahead. They don't even give us time to fill out forms. (Later on an intake person did come in and get our information and medical insurance information)
They asked us repeatedly what he had been given at Urgent Care. I finally told them that since our Dr over there had consulted with them I assumed they had the information. They did not.
They kept asking if Urgent Care had given him Tylenol.
Me:No.
Intake Nurse:Something for his fever?
Me: No. But they did give him something pink, I think for the chest infection they said he had.
Nurse:Oh, so Motrin?
Me:NO! NO FEVER REDUCERS.
Micah went out to the car to get our discharge paperwork and see if that helped. Apparently Urgent Care gave him steroids.
The Dr comes in and we are trying to explain what happened and she listens to the baby and talks with us and decides that he needs yet another breathing treatment.
We felt his wheezing start back up and felt like at anytime the Dr would come back and check him again. That a nurse would come listen to him and hear his breathing. I began to get busy trying to figure out if Kylie could babysit Lizzie all night or if I would need their stepmother to come get them.
A little over an hour after we had last seen a nurse a woman in scrubs walks in with a box and asks if the machine is for us. Well we have no idea. She asks is this is William Garcia. I say no, Gonzales. She shrugs. As is to say whatever, Garcia. Gonzales, same thing. She proceeds to explain that she's brought a take home oxygen thing to give him breathing treatments at home.
This is where it all dawned on me. She started to fill out the paperwork and remarked that we didn't have insurance.
Indeed, we do have insurance. We actually have dual insurance. I have ridiculously good coverage and Micah has pretty decent back up coverage. Most of the time we don't even have to pay a co-pay or meet any deductibles. We pay a pretty penny for this coverage (around $400 a month total) .
So we looked at each other and remarked that no, we do have coverage, in fact we have two policies. She seemed surprised. She looked at the paperwork. She called and spoke with someone stating that we did, in fact, have insurance and should we still get the machine.
The way she spoke made it seem as if the machine was for poor people with no insurance. Or that because we had insurance maybe something else would be done. Or maybe we weren't supposed to be given the machine at all.
In the end, we still got that machine and I had to fill out a sales and rental receipt for the machine.
A few minutes later a nurse came in with a prescription and horrible instructions. If he starts wheezing again (he already is) then give him this treatment, here are some samples and here is a prescription. The prescription is for, wait for it, 50 VIALS of the medication to put in the neublizer. And some steroids. No information on the steroids.
Micah asks some questions because the prescription says to give it to him every 4 hours but she's saying to do it whenever. That's not helpful.
As we were walking out, I checked out and had a $65 co-pay for the ER visit. That does not include the Urgent Care visit either.
I feel like we got the bare minimum of care. That we never saw another Dr or Nurse because the hospital assumed we didn't have insurance. Well, not the hospital, but the people IN the hospital. We were sent home with a baby that was still wheezing and coughing and continued for a portion of the night and even this morning needed yet another breathing treatment.
I feel like it was because of our last name. I feel like the Scrubs lady's attitude regarding his last name was overt and I will never again return to Aurora South Emergency Room.
And I will not shut my mouth because of a consult. I will go where I want to go, where I think the level of care will be best. Not where the closest place necessarily is.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Our little garden
Okay so I know a secret that no one ever told me. I figured it out on my own. But it explains a LOT about my Grandma and my Aunts.
Gardening is addicting.
Sure, you start in Feb. one morning saying to yourself, "Maybe I'll grow a cucumber plant. And some jalapenos. And a sugar snap pea plant. Just for fun. To see if I can do it. In my kitchen window."
And the next thing you know you're 5 containers deep, plus 6 smaller terra cotta pots plotting circles of vegetables and delighting over buds on strawberry plants.
It started innocently.....
Oh look, strawberries!
This container contains a tripod of Sugar Snap Peas. In a circle outside of those is carrots followed by a circle of rosemary, chives and sage.
Not pictured are 2 blueberry containers next to the gazebo:
6 Terra cotta containers and an additional former whiskey barrel containing cucumber, yellow onions and hopefully some radishes.
I'm sure Micah is thinking "What happened to just a couple containers of jalapenos?"
Also not pictured:
The 4 tomato plants, 3 additional cucumber plants, 5 carrot seedlings, terra cotta full of radishes and prep pots for bell peppers I plan to start this weekend.
Oh and the raspberry bushes I plan to buy as well as the two apple trees.
Someone stop me......
Well those two are no help...
Kylie asks "What about potatoes mom?"
Oh, and I told you she wasn't a vampire! Look, shes in the sun, helping me garden, in a velvet and sheer shirt....
Whatever. Take what I can get I always say.
Gardening is addicting.
Sure, you start in Feb. one morning saying to yourself, "Maybe I'll grow a cucumber plant. And some jalapenos. And a sugar snap pea plant. Just for fun. To see if I can do it. In my kitchen window."
And the next thing you know you're 5 containers deep, plus 6 smaller terra cotta pots plotting circles of vegetables and delighting over buds on strawberry plants.
It started innocently.....
Oh look, strawberries!
This container contains a tripod of Sugar Snap Peas. In a circle outside of those is carrots followed by a circle of rosemary, chives and sage.
Not pictured are 2 blueberry containers next to the gazebo:
6 Terra cotta containers and an additional former whiskey barrel containing cucumber, yellow onions and hopefully some radishes.
I'm sure Micah is thinking "What happened to just a couple containers of jalapenos?"
Also not pictured:
The 4 tomato plants, 3 additional cucumber plants, 5 carrot seedlings, terra cotta full of radishes and prep pots for bell peppers I plan to start this weekend.
Oh and the raspberry bushes I plan to buy as well as the two apple trees.
Someone stop me......
Well those two are no help...
Kylie asks "What about potatoes mom?"
Oh, and I told you she wasn't a vampire! Look, shes in the sun, helping me garden, in a velvet and sheer shirt....
Whatever. Take what I can get I always say.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Sitting
Ignore the fuzziness of these photos. They were taken with my iPhone at 6:30am on a rainy Friday. Which means I was REALLY sleepy.
Oh and the baby moves a lot.
William wants to sit. He's wanted to sit since he was at least 3 months old and had some basic control over his head. He will play on the floor if put there but would really rather just sit up to see everything. As such he spends a good deal of time in his high chair, bumbo seat or sitting in my lap. But he hasn't mastered fully sitting up by himself yet.
Every morning I get him dressed and I let him practice sitting up while I put his shirt on him. This morning he didn't want to lay back down so I could put his pants on so I thought I'd give him some sit up time while I finished getting dressed.
Below are the photos from his determined effort.
Oh and the baby moves a lot.
William wants to sit. He's wanted to sit since he was at least 3 months old and had some basic control over his head. He will play on the floor if put there but would really rather just sit up to see everything. As such he spends a good deal of time in his high chair, bumbo seat or sitting in my lap. But he hasn't mastered fully sitting up by himself yet.
Every morning I get him dressed and I let him practice sitting up while I put his shirt on him. This morning he didn't want to lay back down so I could put his pants on so I thought I'd give him some sit up time while I finished getting dressed.
Below are the photos from his determined effort.
Propped up and leaning over
Dude, I'm totally sitting up
Now that I'm sitting up I can move on to more important things. Like contemplating black holes.Or Lunch time.
Whoa wait, I'm wobbling, why am I wobbling?
Phew, caught myelf
And I'm down
Fin.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Retirenment for 30 year olds
So Elisa asked in my comments from my last post "What do people our age do to get ready for retirement?"
She also called me an HR Guru. She SOOO doesn't know me.
I prefer HR Ninja. It sounds most mysterious.
Anyways - Good question Elisa and way to inspire a new post!
First - I must warn you, I'm not a financial planner. I don't pretend to be one, nor do I play one on TV. Although it would be cool if I did because hi, I'd be on TV.
Second - my advice works for me and my family. I don't know if it will work for yours. Basically, don't sue me for my advice please.
In terms of preparing or thinking about retirement there are some steps I recommend.
1. Be debt free.
I can not stress this enough, do not carry debt and certainly do not go into retirement with debt. This is the single biggest thing you can do to make your retirement more manageable. I personally am a fan of Dave Ramsey but whatever motivates you to be debt free do it if you can.
I am not debt free. It's a goal of mine and Micah and I are working hard towards it. This is my #1 step. Get rid of debt.
2. Know what kind of retirement you want to have.
Micah and I are homebodies. We like to hang out in our home. We also like to travel but when we travel, we travel big. We want to go to Rome, Europe, Ireland, Asia and all the places in between. We want to travel well and not scrimp and we want to be able to do a lot of that when we are retired.
Conversely, my ex-husband and his soon to be new wife want to retire in an RV traveling the US.
Their financial needs are obviously going to be different than ours. And that's okay. Just know what kind of retirement you want to have because this will help you figure out what kind of savings and how aggressive you need to be about it.
My insurance/banking company, USAA, has a REALLY cool calculator that helps you to figure out how much you should save per month in order to live the lifestyle you want when you retire. According to them I should be actively saving $1900 a month. I don't make $1900 a month. But slow and steady I say.
A good rule of thumb is to budget out approximately how much you think you'll need in retirement using a standard budget, adjust for inflation (inflation calculator here) and then you'll know about how much your need per year to retire. Use an investment calculator if you would like to figure out how much you need to save to try and achieve that. (Investment calculator here)
3. A brief pause to discuss Social Security (SS)
People prior to our generation, that is, people over the age of say, 40, can comfortable say that they will probably receive Social Security benefits when they retire. We can not say that.
For several years now there have been warnings that Social Security wont be solvent and able to pay financial benefits sometime between 2037 to 2041. I wont be retirement age then (although I would love to earlier than that I'm sure) so I may not see any money from there.
Now, to be fair, that may just be nay sayers and pessimists and social security may never cease to exist. I'm not counting on it.
I plan with the idea that I wont be able to draw SS. If I'm wrong then I'll have extra money when I retire. If I'm right then I wont be stuck eating dog food at 80.
Social Security is a tax that employees pay based on their gross wages. The percentage is 6.2% of their income up to $106,800 with a maximum yearly contribution of $6621.00 for 2010.
The money that you contribute today is used to pay the benefits of those folks who have already retired, it is not held into an account for you later and you will not get back dollar for dollar what you contribute but the amount that you get from social security is based on your yearly earnings. That is a complicated mess that I adore but don't have time for. You can figure it out by going to the SS website here.
4. Know what your options are
So, baring massive amounts of money from Social Security, what are your options in terms of saving money for retirement?
Well, the most popular choice is 401k.
In the US a 401k is a retirement savings plan allows a worker to save for retirement and have the savings invested while deferring current income taxes on the saved money and earnings until withdrawal. This money is taken from an employees wages in a percentage usually. This kind of plan generally an employer sponsored plan and employers have the option of matching a portion of the money contributed by the employee. The majority of 401k plans allow employees to select how they want their money invested in a range of options that vary from employer to employer.
I personally like the 401k for savings because it lowers my taxable income now which is lovely and when I AM taxed on it chances are good I will be at a lower tax bracket due to not working and being retired. Also, my employer currently matches dollar for dollar up to 6% of my income that I choose. To put that another way if 6% of my income were $100 per paycheck and I put that into my 401k, my employer does the same thing.
Not employers match or match this much. I've seen and worked for companies who provide less or don't match at all.
When it came to choosing HOW to invest that money I went with a fairly aggressive investing strategy and I keep my money away from my employers stock. Not that they aren't great, they are, but their match is given to me in employer stock and I don't want to be heavy with it in case something goes wrong. Like, say, WorldCom or MCI type stuff. (Oh hey, my company WAS WorldCom and MCI back in the day.)
Then there are IRA's. IRA's or Individual Retirement Accounts are fantastic and you can open one up at many financial institutions. Generally there are two main types of IRA's, Traditional IRA's or Roth IRA's.
A Traditional IRA is an IRA where the contributions are tax deductible, based on your income bracket, and only the withdrawals on money that was earned above your contributions is taxed.
A Roth IRA is an IRA where you pay taxes on the income you contribute but the withdrawals on the income are 100% tax free.
Honestly, for most people an Roth IRA makes the most sense but you want to really research it to be sure of what works best for you.
I personally have a Roth IRA and I have contributions going to 4 investment strategies currently within it including precious metals and medical technology. I opened my IRA with USAA but lots of banks and companies have them.
Stocks. I don't know a whole lot about investing in individual stocks. Keep moving along.
Annuities. I hear they are a good thing, I've been researching them but don't have any yet. This website gives some pretty clear information on what they are.
Traditional Savings Account. These keep your money pretty liquid and accessible but you lose out on any true interest that could be made. At a traditional bank or even a credit union interest rates on savings accounts are currently running on average 2% of less. My credit union in Alaska has an interest rate of .46%. Ouch.
Pension.
Very few companies offer a pension anymore. In 2007 only 21% of private sector companies offered a traditional pension. Many companies have frozen their pension plans or restrict new employees from participating.
Micah's grandmother receives money from her late husband's pension plan. It's something in the range of $200 per month. Employees who were eligible for our pension plan before it was frozen get around the same amount if they take a monthly distribution (based on years worked and annual salary pre-freeze).
On the flip side, if my Ex does his 20 years in the military then he stands to get a pretty significant amount of his income in pension, roughly 50% of his base salary once he leaves the military. That's not the worst thing ever frankly.
5. Re-evaluate
Twice a year I sit down and review my retirement strategy and plan. I go over the numbers, see how items we have are preforming (or not) and make adjustments. Don't let your plan stagnate, it needs to be able to change and flow with what is happening around you. When you make changes to your circumstances or are thinking about them, be sure to consider how that will affect your saving strategy and make adjustments accordingly.
And PS: Elisa, your HR Guy/Boss is a pretty smart guy. If he says you're fine, I would believe him. :)
She also called me an HR Guru. She SOOO doesn't know me.
I prefer HR Ninja. It sounds most mysterious.
Anyways - Good question Elisa and way to inspire a new post!
First - I must warn you, I'm not a financial planner. I don't pretend to be one, nor do I play one on TV. Although it would be cool if I did because hi, I'd be on TV.
Second - my advice works for me and my family. I don't know if it will work for yours. Basically, don't sue me for my advice please.
In terms of preparing or thinking about retirement there are some steps I recommend.
1. Be debt free.
I can not stress this enough, do not carry debt and certainly do not go into retirement with debt. This is the single biggest thing you can do to make your retirement more manageable. I personally am a fan of Dave Ramsey but whatever motivates you to be debt free do it if you can.
I am not debt free. It's a goal of mine and Micah and I are working hard towards it. This is my #1 step. Get rid of debt.
2. Know what kind of retirement you want to have.
Micah and I are homebodies. We like to hang out in our home. We also like to travel but when we travel, we travel big. We want to go to Rome, Europe, Ireland, Asia and all the places in between. We want to travel well and not scrimp and we want to be able to do a lot of that when we are retired.
Conversely, my ex-husband and his soon to be new wife want to retire in an RV traveling the US.
Their financial needs are obviously going to be different than ours. And that's okay. Just know what kind of retirement you want to have because this will help you figure out what kind of savings and how aggressive you need to be about it.
My insurance/banking company, USAA, has a REALLY cool calculator that helps you to figure out how much you should save per month in order to live the lifestyle you want when you retire. According to them I should be actively saving $1900 a month. I don't make $1900 a month. But slow and steady I say.
A good rule of thumb is to budget out approximately how much you think you'll need in retirement using a standard budget, adjust for inflation (inflation calculator here) and then you'll know about how much your need per year to retire. Use an investment calculator if you would like to figure out how much you need to save to try and achieve that. (Investment calculator here)
3. A brief pause to discuss Social Security (SS)
People prior to our generation, that is, people over the age of say, 40, can comfortable say that they will probably receive Social Security benefits when they retire. We can not say that.
For several years now there have been warnings that Social Security wont be solvent and able to pay financial benefits sometime between 2037 to 2041. I wont be retirement age then (although I would love to earlier than that I'm sure) so I may not see any money from there.
Now, to be fair, that may just be nay sayers and pessimists and social security may never cease to exist. I'm not counting on it.
I plan with the idea that I wont be able to draw SS. If I'm wrong then I'll have extra money when I retire. If I'm right then I wont be stuck eating dog food at 80.
Social Security is a tax that employees pay based on their gross wages. The percentage is 6.2% of their income up to $106,800 with a maximum yearly contribution of $6621.00 for 2010.
The money that you contribute today is used to pay the benefits of those folks who have already retired, it is not held into an account for you later and you will not get back dollar for dollar what you contribute but the amount that you get from social security is based on your yearly earnings. That is a complicated mess that I adore but don't have time for. You can figure it out by going to the SS website here.
4. Know what your options are
So, baring massive amounts of money from Social Security, what are your options in terms of saving money for retirement?
Well, the most popular choice is 401k.
In the US a 401k is a retirement savings plan allows a worker to save for retirement and have the savings invested while deferring current income taxes on the saved money and earnings until withdrawal. This money is taken from an employees wages in a percentage usually. This kind of plan generally an employer sponsored plan and employers have the option of matching a portion of the money contributed by the employee. The majority of 401k plans allow employees to select how they want their money invested in a range of options that vary from employer to employer.
I personally like the 401k for savings because it lowers my taxable income now which is lovely and when I AM taxed on it chances are good I will be at a lower tax bracket due to not working and being retired. Also, my employer currently matches dollar for dollar up to 6% of my income that I choose. To put that another way if 6% of my income were $100 per paycheck and I put that into my 401k, my employer does the same thing.
Not employers match or match this much. I've seen and worked for companies who provide less or don't match at all.
When it came to choosing HOW to invest that money I went with a fairly aggressive investing strategy and I keep my money away from my employers stock. Not that they aren't great, they are, but their match is given to me in employer stock and I don't want to be heavy with it in case something goes wrong. Like, say, WorldCom or MCI type stuff. (Oh hey, my company WAS WorldCom and MCI back in the day.)
Then there are IRA's. IRA's or Individual Retirement Accounts are fantastic and you can open one up at many financial institutions. Generally there are two main types of IRA's, Traditional IRA's or Roth IRA's.
A Traditional IRA is an IRA where the contributions are tax deductible, based on your income bracket, and only the withdrawals on money that was earned above your contributions is taxed.
A Roth IRA is an IRA where you pay taxes on the income you contribute but the withdrawals on the income are 100% tax free.
Honestly, for most people an Roth IRA makes the most sense but you want to really research it to be sure of what works best for you.
I personally have a Roth IRA and I have contributions going to 4 investment strategies currently within it including precious metals and medical technology. I opened my IRA with USAA but lots of banks and companies have them.
Stocks. I don't know a whole lot about investing in individual stocks. Keep moving along.
Annuities. I hear they are a good thing, I've been researching them but don't have any yet. This website gives some pretty clear information on what they are.
Traditional Savings Account. These keep your money pretty liquid and accessible but you lose out on any true interest that could be made. At a traditional bank or even a credit union interest rates on savings accounts are currently running on average 2% of less. My credit union in Alaska has an interest rate of .46%. Ouch.
Pension.
Very few companies offer a pension anymore. In 2007 only 21% of private sector companies offered a traditional pension. Many companies have frozen their pension plans or restrict new employees from participating.
Micah's grandmother receives money from her late husband's pension plan. It's something in the range of $200 per month. Employees who were eligible for our pension plan before it was frozen get around the same amount if they take a monthly distribution (based on years worked and annual salary pre-freeze).
On the flip side, if my Ex does his 20 years in the military then he stands to get a pretty significant amount of his income in pension, roughly 50% of his base salary once he leaves the military. That's not the worst thing ever frankly.
5. Re-evaluate
Twice a year I sit down and review my retirement strategy and plan. I go over the numbers, see how items we have are preforming (or not) and make adjustments. Don't let your plan stagnate, it needs to be able to change and flow with what is happening around you. When you make changes to your circumstances or are thinking about them, be sure to consider how that will affect your saving strategy and make adjustments accordingly.
And PS: Elisa, your HR Guy/Boss is a pretty smart guy. If he says you're fine, I would believe him. :)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Retirenment
I rarely write about work on this blog because it's mostly a family blog i.e. read by my family, about my family.
But yesterday I had an employee who so staggered me that I just feel the need to post. I'm going to be vague about some things because that's just good HR practice. If this is already too boring move on and wait for something better tomorrow. My feelings wont be hurt, I swear.
Yesterday, I had an employee ask me if we, as a company, differentiate between Retirement or voluntarily leaving the company. I advised her that we don't make any distinction but that if she retires she has the option of taking some health benefit access with her.
The health access we offer employees isn't great. It's essentially their health plan but now they pay the entire cost, instead of the company subsiding a portion. Sometimes it's more expensive than COBRA. The reason someone might elect it would be because COBRA runs out after 18 months (unless there is some type of hardship and then it can be extended a few extra months) and this health access can go on indefinitely. In case you don't know, COBRA can be prohibitively expensive, cost $1000 or more per month for a family to get coverage. I've heard of it being worse at other companies. It's spendy.
So we kept talking a little bit and she asked me about retirement. Did we pay her money? What is that statement she gets once a year? She really misses the stock purchase program we had for employees years and years ago. Does she contribute to 401k?
No, you didn't mis-read me. She asked if she contributed to 401k. She didn't know.
This employee was in her 60's. Younger than Medicare age but old enough to start looking hard at Social Security benefits.
As we kept talking I came to realize that she had honestly no idea what Retirement was. To me, retirement is a definition. It's something that is going to happen. To her it was a big sign post in the sky that meant when she stopped working she would get money.
For the record, my HR definition of retirement is when you leave your career or workforce and stop earning a large enough income to support yourself with no other means of support.
That statement she gets once a year? It's from the Social Security Administration. She didn't know what SS was either, by the way. I had to explain it.
She had worked for the company since I was 8 years old. But she had no idea if she had a pension. (She did) She had no idea what was in it. She didn't know she was contributing to a 401k. Luckily my company defaults employees to 3% unless they are already contributing more than that. They have to elect not to contribute. In her case that was a really good thing.
I asked her how she had planned to retire and I got silence from her. She told me she had never really thought about where the money to pay her bills once she retired would come from.
Now, I understand someone even my age not totally "getting" retirement. I do. There is a lot out there and people my age are constantly being told to prepare for the worst, that SS wont be there for us, that 401ks are tanking, the stock market is crashing etc. Knowing what to do to save for retirement is confusing and scary.
But in your 60's? It's past time to take your head out of the sand and pay attention.
But yesterday I had an employee who so staggered me that I just feel the need to post. I'm going to be vague about some things because that's just good HR practice. If this is already too boring move on and wait for something better tomorrow. My feelings wont be hurt, I swear.
Yesterday, I had an employee ask me if we, as a company, differentiate between Retirement or voluntarily leaving the company. I advised her that we don't make any distinction but that if she retires she has the option of taking some health benefit access with her.
The health access we offer employees isn't great. It's essentially their health plan but now they pay the entire cost, instead of the company subsiding a portion. Sometimes it's more expensive than COBRA. The reason someone might elect it would be because COBRA runs out after 18 months (unless there is some type of hardship and then it can be extended a few extra months) and this health access can go on indefinitely. In case you don't know, COBRA can be prohibitively expensive, cost $1000 or more per month for a family to get coverage. I've heard of it being worse at other companies. It's spendy.
So we kept talking a little bit and she asked me about retirement. Did we pay her money? What is that statement she gets once a year? She really misses the stock purchase program we had for employees years and years ago. Does she contribute to 401k?
No, you didn't mis-read me. She asked if she contributed to 401k. She didn't know.
This employee was in her 60's. Younger than Medicare age but old enough to start looking hard at Social Security benefits.
As we kept talking I came to realize that she had honestly no idea what Retirement was. To me, retirement is a definition. It's something that is going to happen. To her it was a big sign post in the sky that meant when she stopped working she would get money.
For the record, my HR definition of retirement is when you leave your career or workforce and stop earning a large enough income to support yourself with no other means of support.
That statement she gets once a year? It's from the Social Security Administration. She didn't know what SS was either, by the way. I had to explain it.
She had worked for the company since I was 8 years old. But she had no idea if she had a pension. (She did) She had no idea what was in it. She didn't know she was contributing to a 401k. Luckily my company defaults employees to 3% unless they are already contributing more than that. They have to elect not to contribute. In her case that was a really good thing.
I asked her how she had planned to retire and I got silence from her. She told me she had never really thought about where the money to pay her bills once she retired would come from.
Now, I understand someone even my age not totally "getting" retirement. I do. There is a lot out there and people my age are constantly being told to prepare for the worst, that SS wont be there for us, that 401ks are tanking, the stock market is crashing etc. Knowing what to do to save for retirement is confusing and scary.
But in your 60's? It's past time to take your head out of the sand and pay attention.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
King and Queen of the nursing home
I hate going to the nursing home. Specifically, I hate the locked unit where Grandma Jenny lives.
I know the code to get in my heart. But when I walk into that space.......it's hotter in there than anywhere else in the facility and it smells. Bad. There are people yelling at each other and to people we can't see. They hit sometimes. Never me but I've seen two women get into it.
It's sad in there. It feels forgotten. Like the people in there have been forgotten.
Everytime I go in Jenny knows me, the nurses know me, but the other residents think I'm someone else. I'm their sister. I'm there neighbor. I'm a nurse. I'm that woman who ordered a cheeseburger from them back in 1948. I've been told my whole like that I look like someone else people know and I guess in the dementia unit that becomes even more true.
So to recap, the residents don't know me.
But. But. They know my children.
I walked in to get Jenny for her birthday party and had no less than 2 women ask me where my baby was. Another, who doesn't talk, made a cradle with her arms, smiled at me and rocked it. The nurses asked where he was.
Everytime I go in without him, people talk. They ask. Jenny makes me promise we'll bring him back with us so she can show him off.
When we do bring him we get mobbed. I used to carry him in. But people started trying to wrench him out of my arms. (One succeeded actually, I thought Micah was going to have a heart attack while my non-talking friend rocked the baby and sang Glory Glory Hallelujah to him) So we bring him in his car seat carrier. Except that isn't heavy enough for them not to try and run off with him. Early on one of the ladies at the home named Betty tried to steal him from me and claimed she was his mother. It was odd.
Now we try and bring him in the carrier and stroller. It's high enough up for people to see him but heavy and unwieldy enough where they don't try and steal him. Much.
The child I'm most proud of though is Lizzie.
When Jenny first went to the locked unit I talked to her about what she would see in there. That sometimes it's scary. These people like to play pretend all the time but they don't know they are playing pretend. I told her to stay close, hold my hand and tell me if she was scared.
Lizzie loves going to visit Jenny. She's calls it Granny's house, which is cute and is well behaved. She wants to go in and visit. And when I bring her in the residents ooh and awwww over her too. One tried to pick her up the other day. They hug her. They touch her. They hold her hand. Sometimes, like last week, they talk nonsense to her.
And she just smiles and hugs back and holds their hands and makes new friends. She isn't afraid. She plays right along with them and never tells me she doesn't want to go in. Even when I've offered it.
People that seem abandoned don't feel abandoned when they are talking to their daughter, granddaughter, niece, best friend or whoever they think Lizzie is. They light up. They love. They remember good times. Always good times it seems.
So while I think the nursing home can feel depressing, my kids sure have the ability to make a depressing place feel a little more like home for the other people there. The nurses tell me, it makes a difference.
Amazing how universal children can be, even in that state, even when you don't know anything anymore.
I know the code to get in my heart. But when I walk into that space.......it's hotter in there than anywhere else in the facility and it smells. Bad. There are people yelling at each other and to people we can't see. They hit sometimes. Never me but I've seen two women get into it.
It's sad in there. It feels forgotten. Like the people in there have been forgotten.
Everytime I go in Jenny knows me, the nurses know me, but the other residents think I'm someone else. I'm their sister. I'm there neighbor. I'm a nurse. I'm that woman who ordered a cheeseburger from them back in 1948. I've been told my whole like that I look like someone else people know and I guess in the dementia unit that becomes even more true.
So to recap, the residents don't know me.
But. But. They know my children.
I walked in to get Jenny for her birthday party and had no less than 2 women ask me where my baby was. Another, who doesn't talk, made a cradle with her arms, smiled at me and rocked it. The nurses asked where he was.
Everytime I go in without him, people talk. They ask. Jenny makes me promise we'll bring him back with us so she can show him off.
When we do bring him we get mobbed. I used to carry him in. But people started trying to wrench him out of my arms. (One succeeded actually, I thought Micah was going to have a heart attack while my non-talking friend rocked the baby and sang Glory Glory Hallelujah to him) So we bring him in his car seat carrier. Except that isn't heavy enough for them not to try and run off with him. Early on one of the ladies at the home named Betty tried to steal him from me and claimed she was his mother. It was odd.
Now we try and bring him in the carrier and stroller. It's high enough up for people to see him but heavy and unwieldy enough where they don't try and steal him. Much.
The child I'm most proud of though is Lizzie.
When Jenny first went to the locked unit I talked to her about what she would see in there. That sometimes it's scary. These people like to play pretend all the time but they don't know they are playing pretend. I told her to stay close, hold my hand and tell me if she was scared.
Lizzie loves going to visit Jenny. She's calls it Granny's house, which is cute and is well behaved. She wants to go in and visit. And when I bring her in the residents ooh and awwww over her too. One tried to pick her up the other day. They hug her. They touch her. They hold her hand. Sometimes, like last week, they talk nonsense to her.
And she just smiles and hugs back and holds their hands and makes new friends. She isn't afraid. She plays right along with them and never tells me she doesn't want to go in. Even when I've offered it.
People that seem abandoned don't feel abandoned when they are talking to their daughter, granddaughter, niece, best friend or whoever they think Lizzie is. They light up. They love. They remember good times. Always good times it seems.
So while I think the nursing home can feel depressing, my kids sure have the ability to make a depressing place feel a little more like home for the other people there. The nurses tell me, it makes a difference.
Amazing how universal children can be, even in that state, even when you don't know anything anymore.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Best Kept Secret
PHEWWWWWW! *sigh*
That was me exhaling. Because I had to keep a secret for a VERY long time and it was killing me.
Not that I cant keep a secret, I totally can, that's why I do well in HR. But it's a secret that I know I'll eventually be able to tell that gets to me every time.
Back earlier this year/end o' last year, I had this BRILLIANT idea to get pictures of all of the grandkids taken for my In laws as a surprise. Their birthdays are 10 days apart and I thought it would be a great birthday gift for them.
I enlisted my sister in law Melissa and we schemed and planned. We color coordinated (sort of) and one Saturday we sucked it up, got brave and went to the JC Penny's at the mall by my house. With 5 kids.
We purchased the CD and then had to get together to decide what to print and in what sizes.
And let me tell you, every time we planned to get together it seemed my Mother In Law was nearby. I had to become super stealthy.
One Saturday Leslie (my mother in law) came over to help me clean Ky's room. Except I needed to meet Mel at her place at 11 to pick the pictures.
Another Saturday Mel and I were supposed to get together to pick the frames. Leslie came over to help with yard work and to come visit Grandma Jenny. I told her I was going to a kids soccer game (which I was, I was just going shopping with Mel afterwards.) Leslie seemed really sad that she hadn't been invited to the game.
Saturday we had Earth Day Craft Day and a joint birthday party for Leslie and Rex and we presented them with pictures of the grandchildren.
Here is the picture Leslie and Rex first saw:
Happy Birthday Leslie and Rex. This is what you've spawned. Be proud.
That was me exhaling. Because I had to keep a secret for a VERY long time and it was killing me.
Not that I cant keep a secret, I totally can, that's why I do well in HR. But it's a secret that I know I'll eventually be able to tell that gets to me every time.
Back earlier this year/end o' last year, I had this BRILLIANT idea to get pictures of all of the grandkids taken for my In laws as a surprise. Their birthdays are 10 days apart and I thought it would be a great birthday gift for them.
I enlisted my sister in law Melissa and we schemed and planned. We color coordinated (sort of) and one Saturday we sucked it up, got brave and went to the JC Penny's at the mall by my house. With 5 kids.
We purchased the CD and then had to get together to decide what to print and in what sizes.
And let me tell you, every time we planned to get together it seemed my Mother In Law was nearby. I had to become super stealthy.
One Saturday Leslie (my mother in law) came over to help me clean Ky's room. Except I needed to meet Mel at her place at 11 to pick the pictures.
Another Saturday Mel and I were supposed to get together to pick the frames. Leslie came over to help with yard work and to come visit Grandma Jenny. I told her I was going to a kids soccer game (which I was, I was just going shopping with Mel afterwards.) Leslie seemed really sad that she hadn't been invited to the game.
Saturday we had Earth Day Craft Day and a joint birthday party for Leslie and Rex and we presented them with pictures of the grandchildren.
Here is the picture Leslie and Rex first saw:
I love this picture. It's correct anyway you turn it too because someone is always "correct".
Here at some of the others:
Myles and Paloma, sharing a sibling hug.
The kids.
More of the kids. Girls on one side, boys on the other.
More kids. I love that picture.
If you look closely you will notice that Paloma is holding the Will's foot. I crack up everytime I see it.
Will at 3 months old. Blue is a great color on him.
Myles aka Mr. GQ. This was the first and last picture the photographer had to take of him, THAT'S how good he was.
Paloma. Stunning.
Can I just stop a moment and point out that Melissa and Matt make supermodel children? Because they do. I know they aren't planning on more but if they were that would a service to the world.
Just sayin'.
Lizzie Lu. The cheese is strong with this one.
I love the look on Will's face in this picture. He looks SO grossed out. And yes, Lizzie really is kissing him.
I like this picture. Despite the fact that she changed into a black shirt.
Oh.My.Goodness. WHO IS THAT? Because that can not by my 14 year old daughter. NOOOOO!
And my favorite picture of all time:
Happy Birthday Leslie and Rex. This is what you've spawned. Be proud.
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