Thursday, June 11, 2009


My parent's divorce taught me a lot about money. My dad screwed my mother in their divorce in ways I still can't fully comprehend. Seeing her struggle and carefully manage her money taught me to do the same. I had a paper route as a child, mowed lawns, held garage sales and babysat. I was constantly working. And saving. I spent frugally and wisely.

When I got married I married a man to whom stingy would have been a compliment. Sort of. He was aggressive with spending and saving if I was doing the spending. But he was pretty free with his own spending on himself. It was a weird dynamic and it worked for us for awhile. I got REALLY good at saving and paying cash as much as we could.

The divorce has been hard on my not so much emotionally as in my personal security. Brian always made enough to support us. I was able to stay home for a year with my children because of the income the military provided, along with careful saving. I now have to count solely on my income and child support as a method of getting by. All financial decisions are mine to make and sometimes my mistake to make.

When Brian left I did use credit, as sparingly as I could, to accommodate items he had taken in the divorce. Luckily Micah has also come in and provided some of those things (like a bedroom set) but overall while I was getting the hang of living on 2/3 of the income I was used to I sometimes used credit to scrape by. I'm getting better now and working like mad to get rid of the debt I accumulated during that time. I often tell people I don't believe in debt and it feels disingenuous to say that and now I have debt staring me in the face.

What has been particularly tough though, has been Kylie's medical bills. I feel like I was getting to be even keel until all of that "stuff" in April went down. Since then I have struggled to keep up with the co-pays, medication and therapy. I detailed another week how I had paid a massive amount of money in co pays and medication costs not too long ago. This week is another one of those weeks.

I received a bill for some therapy Kylie received while in the hospital that is out of network. Cost? $208. I fought it and have lost with my insurance company. I also had to pay the bill for my delivery with my Dr this week. $255. I have fill her prescription for Zoloft before she leaves to the tune of $17 for a month. And I just looked at the bills coming now that my insurance has processed most of them. I have $756 coming for her hospital stay (in addition to what I have already paid) and $150 (give or take a few dollars) coming from my blood work and pregnancy appointment last month.

It's honestly overwhelming and I feel like crying.

The thing is, I have GREAT insurance. I only have to pay 90% of any of the medical costs we've incurred. I only pay a small portion of medication costs and let's be honest, I'm paying a fraction of what it will end up costing to have this baby. I have a $100 deductible per person in my family which is fantastic. I KNOW this.

Doesn't stop the fact that I earn less than $34K a year and child support can be sporadic at best for one of my children.

2/3rd of bankruptcy filings in 2007 were due in large part to medical debt. I completely understand this from a whole new way now.

Right now life would be a lot easier if I had no debt or no medical bills. The fact that I have both can really be overwhelming.

No real point or follow up to this point. I know it's depressing. I just had to put this out there. Money sucks.


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