Friday, July 17, 2009

Were it not for the total absence of skills I would be a Ninja

*When I first when on Eharmony I listed my profession as boring HR Administrator. Which is my title. About a month in I realized that no one apparently reads that crap anyways because the men who would contact me would ask me what I did for a living. So I changed my profession to HR Ninja.

Only one man ever asked me about it and he was so funny about it I was glad I did that. He asked me what exactly an Hr Ninja did and that it made him think of nun chucks and files. I told him that was about accurate except he forgot throwing stars. I should have known I would marry that guy.

I rarely talk about my job on this blog. I assume that the people reading it already know what I do for a living but then it dawned on me, I don't even know half the time what I do for a living. So I thought I would share.

My official title is HR Administrator. I perform all the job functions of an HR Generalist but without the pay. I get paid like I work at a call center. Which I do. So glad I got that degree. I, along with 9-11 other people, sit in a cube and answer employee questions all day long. I don't fire people but I do handle severance questions and information and help employees do their new hire paperwork and their exit paperwork. I specialize in Money. (Are you surprised?) That means I'm particularly trained to assist with payroll questions, tax questions, base pay, commissions, short term incentives (bonus'), and timesheet issues. I should have been an accountant.

Most of the time I like my job. I love aspects of it. Sometimes I really hate my job. I answer the phone and take emails and run special projects and wonder why people make it so hard on themselves. My company's culture has made it so that employees don't make a MOVE unless they call and ask us. I get calls for help with their phone systems to Swine Flu and everything in between. I can't help with that, FYI.

My days look something like this:
Employee: I need to change my direct deposit.
Me: Great!
Employee: So do I give you in the information or what?
Me: Actually we have an entire company website set up to handle your direct deposit information. Have you gone out there?
Employee: Can you just do it for me?
Me: No.

x30 calls and emails a day

Pretty much the same thing my kids ask of me when I'm home.

Kid: Mom, I'm hungry.
Me: Great!
Kid: What are you making?
Me: I'm not hungry right now and it's not meal time. You're 13, look around.
Kid: Can you just make it for me?
Me: No.



You are funny, Lace. You should have written "HR Ninja Comedian".

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