Thursday, September 30, 2010

15 already?

Happy Birthday Kylie! (A day late)

Gosh 15 already. I'm almost not sure where to start because there is so much to say. And at the same time almost nothing to say. Some days I just want to stare at you because I can not believe you're already 15.

When I was 15 I thought I was so much older and more grown up than I was. I was certain that I was ready to take on the world. So certain in fact that I got pregnant and had you. Of course I was 16 by the time you were born. So it is such a startling thing to look at you and think "She's my age when I got pregnant with her" and realize that in no way, shape or form was I ready or e even capable of conquering the world. At least not right at that moment.

You actually seem much more aware of your surroundings and while you are convinced you can conquer the world, you seem content to start with the high school and move forward.

When you were small I was convinced that you were switched at the hospital because of your light hair and love of vegetables. Some days I'm still not entirely convinced but then you'll come to me and complain about school mates who don't take dance seriously or how frustrated you get at sharing your friends (despite they having to share you) and I suspect you probably are mine after all.

Sorry about that short temper thing. I'd like to blame your dad but I'm pretty sure you got it from me. I'm working on it. It sucks. Hopefully I'm setting a good example for you.

As one of your many parents I have been talking to you often about getting a job. You seem sold on the idea of money but no so sure about actually having to work for it. While I can relate I hope that at some point you embrace the idea that you are probably going to do work that doesn't inspire you, at least for a little while.

It's also time for us to start thinking about you + driving permit. Actually no. I'm not going to think about that JUST yet. And apparently neither are you. When mentioned on Tuesday night you seemed pretty ambivalent about the whole thing. Which I suppose is a good thing. At least for my heart.

You tend to be a glass half empty child and are certainly self absorbed but no more so than the average teenager which actually gives me great joy. While we don't always see eye to eye you and I certainly don't fight like we did even a year ago. My vocal chords really do appreciate it.

Boys are flocking to you now and I can tell you're enjoying the attention although you have a crush on someone who does not return your affections. It's these types of things that teach us how to live and how to be and so I know you're frustrated but I can assure you that right now there is a boy with a crush on you that you have no interest in. So this is how the world goes around. I can still remember your devastation when a boy in elementary school called you ugly. Now that same boy wishes you would even notice him. You don't of course because you have already learned that there are more fish in the sea.

People's opinions of you still matter, of course, but although the negative ones irritate you they don't seem to break you anymore. I hope that you learn to let things roll off and don't let others opinions blow away in the wind. You seem to be doing just that but I can only hope that what I see and what are happening are the same thing.

I realized as I was writing this post that I don't really have any pictures of you this year on my iPhone. I think it's because you don't really like to pose or be in pictures anymore and in terms of photo-worthy there aren't really a lot of "firsts" left for you.

In closing I'll share this video though. We went to Outback last night for your birthday dinner. You insisted that you didn't want to be sung to. I, of course, corned the waitress and begged her to bring you a dessert and sing to you. She told me they don't normally do that but for a 15 year old they would see that they could do.

It's awkward and you can tell it's not their normal but I think the video says a lot about you. You're dying on the inside (and outside) but still manage to blow out the candle at the end. See video HERE.

Happy Birthday Cuckoo
Love Mama


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