Monday, October 26, 2009

Why do they care?

I'm often surprised at how much people give a crap about my reproduction. I shouldn't be, I am, after all, a product of the internet generation and I use the internet to fuel all of my research ever, and yet, random co-workers and people on the street asking me questions and then telling me the "right" and "wrong" thing to do still amazes me.

1. When I found out I was pregnant and I finally started to tell people I had no less than 5 co-workers ask me how that happened.

My 14 year old knows how that happened. I assume that adults my own age or older know how it happens too. If you need me to really tell you we have some larger issues at play.

2. When did it happen?

Really? People REALLY want to know this? My EX-HUSBAND asked me if it happened while we were in Mexico (Micah and I, not he and I). I told him no. But why would you ask?

3. Do you know what you're having?

Okay this doesn't bother me so much. I'm having a boy. It's the follow up questions that come with it. If I'm lazy and say no people ask if I'm going to find out. If I tell them it's a boy, they ask if it's my first. Second? Third? First Boy? And then, THEN, I get the comments about "I bet you're glad it's a boy finally." That is possibly the most insulting thing I've ever heard. I had my heart set on a girl if you must know. But whether it was a boy, a girl or a monkey it's the last baby that is exiting my body. The suggestion that I'm relieved and don't have to keep trying for a boy tells me that strangers really will say the oddest things.

Also, before we knew what we were having people would try and lobby for me to either a)find out or b)not find out. EVERYONE has advice on this subject. When I would tell people we planned to find out I got some really adamant people telling me what a bad idea that was for any myriad of reasons. My favorite was "It'll make you push harder to find out."

I've had 2 kids. The last thing I've EVER had on my mind while pushing them out was the gender. My last child my only thought while pushing was my then husband's vasectomy.

4. What are your plans for delivery?

My midwife asking me this? Totally fine and appropriate. My husband and Mother In Law asking? Also fine. Close family members I'm also okay with.

Co-workers? Strangers? People in line at Wal-Mart? Stop it. Seriously.

Also, when I tell you my plans please, for the love of all that is holy, do not try and argue with me about my decision, whatever it is.

I'm choosing to go medication free. I have a reason for this. I also have 2 other children so it is possible that I've thought about this maybe once or twice. For what it's worth I've had both a medicated and an unmedicated birth. My unmedicated memories make me want to vomit with anxiety because I remember how bad it all hurt. I remember calling my Dr a liar because it hurt so bad. My medicated birth was, by far, so much better for me. And YET, I am still choosing to do this unmedicated. Really, I've thought about it. Telling me that birth hurts does not help.

Also, conversely, when women tell others to bring the epidural on in month 8, I don't blame them either. That stuff hurts. For REAL. So don't try and talk women OUT of medication if they choose too, I don't care how uninformed you may think they are. I'm going to say it again, labor hurts. It's not easy, it's not "fun" and while it's well worth it in the end, judging someones ability to tolerate pain is just plain mean.

5. Are you going to circumcise/vaccinate/eat your placenta? Etc........

WOW, really? REALLY?
Again, friends and family I'm cool with. If you're close to me. And close to me means I'd call you at 3 am for bail money.

If not, don't ask. These questions have no right or wrong answer except to the individual making the decision. They are bound to start controversy and I have no desire to hear about your cousin who either a) had to be circumcised at 5 because it wasn't done when he was an infant or b)your cousin who was scarred for life and became a serial killer because he was circumcised (or vaccinated for that matter) as an infant.

For the record, no, I wont be eating my placenta. I don't care how much protein it has in it.

Can you tell I'm grumpy? Sorry. But I am. I'm still pregnant and so done with it that I can't stand it.


My HCG Diet Blog

I hated that too. And I'm sure you remember this with the girls, but it'll last at least until Will is 1 year. I once had a lady really let me have it in the grocery store line for not having a hat on Myles. He used to sweat and get heatrash even in winter and he still won't wear a coat unless it's below 40 degrees outside.

And we have plans for your placenta anyway. Remember, Brian's pie (muahahaha (evil laugh)).

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