A few Alaska pictures

I have some better ones at home waiting to be posted. Maybe I'll get those up tonight. Maybe I'll eat Carmel filled chocolate chip cookies instead. It's a crap shoot.

By better I mean pictures of me and Micah (okay mostly just me) acting silly on our vacation because while I love the pictures of us standing in front of the glacier or in front of the ocean or in front of whatever I especially love the pictures of me being goofy while on vacation. I love that Micah loves them and loves to take them.

I have enough self confidence to be okay with goofy pictures and posting them on the internet.

BUT. Those pictures have to wait.

Instead let me show you Micah and Lacy at Beluga Point on our drive to Seward Alaska.

Also just me standing on a large rock at Beluga Point:

Behind me is Hope, Alaska. Population - not much.

Here is a picture of Micah and I in front of Matanuska Glacier. We were supposed to land on Ruth Glacier after a flight from Talkeetna to see Denali. That, however, was a failure and we did not get to fly or see the glacier. So instead we drove to Matanuska Glacier which is the opposite direction entirely. We paid an exorbitant amount of money and we got to climb all over the Glacier to our hearts content.



We did manage to enjoy our time in Seward and we visited the Sealife Center including a behind the scenes Marine Mammal Tour. This tour was so cool because we got to get up close with some Harbor Seals and a Stellar Sea lion named Sugar. I even got to feed the Harbor Seal Tik aka Tikani.

We stayed at the worlds most awesome Bed & Breakfast, Berry Patch B&B in Seward and I highly recommend it.

Micah enjoyed the Hammock.....



which may remind you of our trip to Cancun last year...

I did some reading....

Overall we had a good time in AK, it was predictably too short and I enjoying seeing my Uncle Larry as well as Nana.

We did miss Will a ton though and luckily he does not seem to have learned to crawl in our absence. Or he's hiding it well.

Anniversary

I wont be able to write this tomorrow because we will be on our honeymoon. I realize that must sound odd since we got married a year ago tomorrow but I was all pregnant and freaking out constantly about money and we had the girls full time and blah blah blah, we never took a honey moon.

So about a month ago, maybe a month and a half we decided to go to Alaska for our honeymoon.

Internet, if you are thinking about going by my house to rob it be warned. I have booby traps set up. And a killer cat. And rabid attack guard dogs. And someone checking on the house everyday. And an ex husband who needs extra cash and is willing to kill for it.

Just sayin'. Don't try to go by my house and steal stuff.

Micah and I will be flying tonight to the state of my birth. I'm excited to show him ME and where I CAME FROM and where I went to school and tell stories (because I am AWESOME at story telling, as you all know) and just being with my husband in general.

On the flip side, this is the first time I will be away from the boy since he was born. Ever. I feel physically ill just typing that. I was exhausted last night and yet I still picked him up and rocked him for as long as he would let me looking at his face and telling him to stay small for me. No growing.

I also left strict instructions with my mother in law, who will be caring for him while I'm out.

Do not put him on his belly. Or back. Because he will flip over onto his belly. And from his belly he has figured out how to get his knees under him. It's only a matter of time until he will figure out how to go forward. So no crawling until I get back.

She has informed me that she will follow my instructions to the letter. OR, in the worst case scenario (read: most likely scenario) she just wont tell me and when we get home and he starts crawling all around the house she'll act shocked and say he never did anything of the sort at her house.

I love a mother in law who will lie to me.

Also, Happy Anniversary Micah.

When I was married the first time I swore I would never get married again because the first year of marriage with Brian was so heinous I wanted to kill him. The entire year. And into the second some.

Thanks for showing me that not all first years of marriage suck.

You're awesome.

Lauv.

PHR

That means "Professional of Human Resources". It's a pretty big deal in my line of work, something that people study and study for. There is something like a 49% failure rate of those who take the test.

It also means that you know what you're talking about when it comes to HR. It is my professions "gold star" when it comes to knowledge base and having it tells people that know your stuff.

I decided at the beginning of this year that I was taking it. I was eligible since I had worked at my company for over 2 years which is an eligibility requirement. (Must work in HR for over 2 years)

I paid my $300, bought my study materials for another $300 and then waited. Because I don't know how to study. I've never had to study for anything in my life and I have no idea how to. Which, at 31, doesn't seem like it would matter anymore but this time it did.

Don't get me wrong, I tried. I opened my flash cards, I cracked the first book. Twice. But in the end, I just couldn't focus and study.

A friend of mine gave me a study guide that had chapter questions at the end of each chapter. I used that, plus two assessment tests as my study material and studied the HECK out of those questions.

To say I felt confident going into the test would be a lie. I had stayed up late studying the night before, completely skipped breakfast because I forgot about it and was at the testing center WAY early.

While I was taking the test I was trying to decide if I should bring my study materials with me to Wyoming or if I should wait the weekend and begin studying again for the next round of testing which was in December. That's how sure I was that I was going to fail this test. I had decided to wait and study when I got back by the way.

After the test you get your preliminary score right away. I competed the course, took the post test survey and reviewed the results. Much to my surprise I passed. I was so shocked at the results I actually scanned the paperwork looking for the word "Fail" because I was sure that I hadn't read it right.

Indeed, the test center verified I had passed.

So now I'm a PRH certified Human Resources person.

Which did not mean I got any more money at my current job. *sigh* No raise.

But it means that when I start looking for another position I will be a stronger candidate BECAUSE of that certificate and those letters.

I always wanted letters after my name.....

Strawberry Jam

I meant to have uploaded the pictures we took of the Jam making process but I just haven't yet.

I will. I swear.

But in the mean time, here is the finished product made with only strawberries and sugar. No pectin, no lemon juice, just 2 ingredients. And boy, is it SWEET.

Overall we made 9.5 8oz jars and I water bath canned them AND they all sealed.

As I said, it's pretty sweet and it's also a little runnier than commercial jam but it would be great in a sandwich or over cheesecake so that works for me.

Little Berries

Saturday I decided to have a little girl time and took Lizzie and Grandma Leslie (Micah's mom) to Berry Patch Farms in Brighton. It was a 30-45 minute drive which I do not consider to be that bad.

The goal was to pick our own strawberries to make jam with.

My friend Erin and I tried this with Lizzie and her daughter Alice when the girls were about 1-1.5 years old. We had a great time but admittedly did not come home with a lot of berries. I was determined to have better luck this time. Luckily time was on my side and this was the last weekend in June that they would be allowing berry picking which means it's a free for all. When Erin and I went 4 years ago we were limited by both the farm and the children.

When we got there we boarded the Berry Train which is a tractor with cool sled type thing on wheels behind it.


You can see that we were being overly ambitious with our picking plans by having 2 trays with 6 containers EACH for berries. We also brought an unseen smaller container for Lizzie specifically. Now THAT was realistic.

Once we got there I got to the very serious job of picking berries. Lizzie and Grandma started and then got side tracked searching for berries.


In the end they came back to me and luckily, with their eagle eyes were able to spot a toad. It was TOADLLY cool. Oh my....



I gotta say, that was a big toad. I was happy with our hoppy friend being around but what freaked me out slightly was that usually, where there are toads snakes are bound to be close by. That was about the time Lizzie was over the picking and ready to head out. The idea of snakes bugged me so we were out of there.

In the end we spent probably an hour and a half total on the farm and got a about 4 lbs of strawberries. Little tiny ones because ,in case you didn't know, pick your own strawberries are much smaller than the ones in the grocery store.

Also, I'm not tattling but SOMEONE ate the best strawberry of the day out in the field. Berry Patch farms are certified organic so we weren't worried about chemicals and so SOMEONE just split the strawberry with the other person there (after I declined). I'm not saying WHO but I'll just show a picture and maybe you can figure out who.

Overall we had a great time although Lizzie did get a little sunburn on her shoulders despite using mud SPF 100. Tomorrow I'll show you what I did with the berries.

Girl time

Alternatively titled: How did I manage to spend more on a 5 year old than myself?

Our AC went out Sunday night (I think). So Monday I took the kids while Micah researched the problem. We headed to the mall.

I hate the mall.

But it has AC and pizza.

My "goal" for the evening was to purchase body wash for myself from Bath & Body Works. We have a rule in the house that each person has their own SINGLE body wash in the shower at any given time.

Except Kylie has, right now, 4 in there, none of which she uses. Lizzie had none and I had one but I don't like waste so I kept trying to use up Kylie's stuff, even though I don't like the smell of any of it.

But I'm down to my last squeeze of my own body wash and Lizzie correctly pointed out that she is a big girl now and deserves her own body wash since she showers now and doesn't take baths.

So we are in Bath & Body works and of course we have to smell every.single.bottle. Plus Lizzie has to resmell some of them.

I'm a pretty basic individual when it comes to my hygiene products. I don't use hair products aside from shampoo and conditioner. Unless a rubber band counts as a product because I use that a lot too. I don't wear makeup, I don't even own any. I don't wear perfume. I consider scented deodorant to be the highlight of my morning hygiene routine.

I picked out a body wash and was ready to go. (Butterfly Flowers I think)

Lizzie, however, worked her entire way through the store TWICE before deciding on the body wash I had suggest 45 seconds into the store. Sweet Pea.

As we were making our way through the ridiculous crowded store (it felt like a maze with a stroller) she found lotion AND Body spray in Sweet Pea.

Her argument (I'm a girl mommy! Girls like lotions and perfume!) held some weight because I recognize that while I'M the anti-girl she is the poster girl..er...girl.

So. After negotiations and discussions I bought myself a small sample lotion for $1 and my body wash as well her three products. I also bought hand soap for the kitchen because I loved the smell but couldn't find any in a body wash. I walked out of there having spent $45 of which $12 was for me.

We got home and Lizzie could not WAIT to show her friends next door her smelly girl stuff. She especially wanted to show Abraham her awesome stuff. And she has managed to leave it there twice now since we bought the items.

*sigh*

On the plus side, our AC is fixed now. And I smell really good.

Father's Day

We spent Father's Day in Wyoming with my Aunt Linda, Uncle Jerry and their daughters and family. I love spending time with them and a 6 hour drive hardly seems tough when you're excited to see the people you love.

It was Micah's first official fathers day and he got a card from my Aunt and a work shirt from me. That he picked out and handed me at the store. My creativity at gift giving apparently underwhelms even him.

I discovered a strange truth while we were out there.

A 7 month old baby playing on the floor can entertain a room full of adults for well over an hour. It's kinda sad really.

Here are some pictures from our trip.

My boys chillin' out, drinking a Ba and chatting

We made for good photos, even if we are missing 2 other children

Grandma Linda rocks a little boy

Will hangs out with his Aunt Jenny and Grandpa Jerry

I know, I'm biased, but that is a ridiculously cute baby. I'm lucky Micah can't make anymore or he'd be having to beat women off him with a stick, they'd be wanting such cute babies. And he'd have to start with me.

Where is your Mama?

This conversation begins again. Lizzie knows my Mama is in heaven. That she died when Lizzie was still too young to walk. But she asks again anyways.

"She's in heaven." I say as she crawls into my lap.

"Does she live there? Can we go visit?" she asks earnestly. This is the first time she's asked these questions. I suspect that the Summer Camp focus on "places" has made Heaven seem like a Place for her just like Colorado or Alaska.

"No honey, we can't go visit. Heaven is where people go when they die." I begin to rock in the rocking chair.

She looks at me. Her mouth frowns downward and her eyes get wide. Wide and scared.

"Not everyone dies though, right? Just your Mama?"

I sigh. This has been coming I suppose, a true understanding of death for a 5 year old. Kylie was much, much older when Julie died. She was 9 and a half. And her understanding, even for 9, was greater since we knew it was coming and had time to prepare her.

"Everyone dies sweetie. All Mommas and Daddies and people die. Animals die, plants die, everything dies and goes to be with God in Heaven. Our bodies stay here but our spirits," I touch her chest near her heart, "they go to be with God."

"NOOOOOOOO! You can't die. Never ever! I don't want you to die!"

"Oh honey, I'm not going to die for a very long time." Internally I frown at my implied promise. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and die. Then I would be a liar and dead to my daughter.

"Was Grandma old when she died?"

"Well yes, she was pretty old." More lies.

"As old as Grandma? As old as Granny?" She's talking about Leslie and Jenny. What do I say? Leslie turned 52 this year, the age my mother would have been. Jenny turned 80, an age my mother never even approached.

"Older than Grandma, not as old as Granny. People die at different times though sweetie. When God is ready he brings us to heaven. There isn't a set age when we die, we die when God says it's time."

"Well then I hate God!"

Mayday! Mayday! This is NOT going well! "Honey, you can't hate God. He's doing what is best for us. He lets us live here for awhile and then, because he knows best, he brings us back to Him."

"We live there? In Heaven?"

"Yes honey. We have our own houses. Grandma has a condo I think. It has a very little trashcan."

She laughs. "Will we get to live with her?"

"Well, I think I would want my own house, don't you? But I bet we can live next door to her. Maybe we can get a bigger trash can."

She laughs again and then her face falls. The trash can talk didn't work.

"But I don't want you to die!"

"I wont honey. I'll be very, very, very old by the time I die. You'll be a Mommy of your own and you'll be married and you'll probably even be a Grandma."

"But what if I need you?" She wails this last part and clings to me. I suddenly become aware that my rocking chair is rocking VERY fast and she almost needs to hang on to me to keep from flying off.

"When I die you wont need me anymore. God makes sure of that." I practically choke on my words because they are so wrong and a lie. I still need my mommy. Uh oh, Lizzie saw my frown.

"I'll always need you." She hugs me and I smooth her hair on the back of her head.

I don't know what else to say.

"I love you sweetheart. "

"I'll miss you. Too much."

"I'll miss you too. But it's a long ways away and it wont be for long, I promise. We'll be together in heaven before you know it."

"Will Micah be there too?"

"Yes. Everyone will be."

"Will he make cheeseburgers?"

"I bet he will."

Grandpa time

I've never lived near a grandfather for any extended period of time so I'm not really sure how grandfathers are supposed to be. I guess I always assumed they were like what I thought Fathers were like and therefor aloof and not "into" kids.

I was wrong.

Again.

I know, as if that's a surprise.

Will and his Grandpa like to spend time together.

They read:





They laugh:


And they walk together:

I would say Grandpa's love their Grandson's about as much as Fathers love their Son's.

I gotta give God a hand, when he wants to show me the real way relationships are supposed to be he really goes all out and gives me excellent role models.

6 months and growing

Micah took Will to his 6 month appointment yesterday.

Stats are: he weighs 18.2 oz , he's 26.5 inches long and his head is 43.5 cm around. He's in the 50% percentile for everything.

He also got three shots which he did not love. At all.

Yesterday he was doted on and overwhelmed by people and so last night he woke up a lot crying. I didn't get much sleep. *yawn*

It was worth it though.

Healthy baby - check
Fantastic family - check
Opportunity to show off my mad cooking skills - check (and YAY)

It's offical.

I'm blessed.

Blessed and sleepy.

One of those days

I took this picture about 5 seconds after I realized what was going on under my ankles. My shoes felt "different" so I looked down, saw this, snapped a picture and sat at my desk.



In case you can't tell, not only are they different shoes, they are also different colors. That's how I roll.

Starving

William has been, from the moment of conception, an eater. He likes all things that involve eating and was born hungry and ready for breakfast. Or lunch. Or even a snack. He didn't care as long as there was food. He became depressed in the first few days of life when milk was not as forthcoming as he would have liked but once it did come in he was enthusiastic about it.

He's my chunk of burning love baby.

Since this weekend he has been kind of a cranky boy. I think it's sort of a perfect storm coming together for him.

1. he had the undying love and attention of his sisters for 2 straight weeks and they are gone

2. he had the undying love of a Nana for an entire 2 days and she is gone

3. he's teething and they wont pop out no matter how many fingers he stuffs in his mouth

4. he stuffs a lot of fingers in his mouth which makes him choke and also makes him cranky

5. he didn't get to really take a good nap all weekend

6. he's starving and no one noticed

It's not that I didn't notice. It's that I didn't put everything together. I figured he was waking up every 2 hours at night (after sleeping through the night for how long?) because he was teething. So what if I made 8 ounce bottles all three times and he sucked them down in 9 minutes? While asleep.

Sunday, I fed him a jar of baby food. A little one because he's really only eating baby food sporadically so we only had little ones.

Now let me stop a moment and paint a picture for you of feeding him. When Micah or I feed him we need two spoons at a minimum because either one will end up on the floor at some point or we need to distract him. He constantly tries to grab the spoon with his left hand and chew on it which makes for a messy and long ordeal in feeding. So we haven't been consistent and he's only 6 months old, he really doesn't NEED it. Right?

WRONG.

So he sat in his high chair and ate the entire container of apples without moving anything but his lips and head. I thought it was great he had finished the whole container and SURELY he would sleep through the night. No. He woke up twice that night.

Monday, I sat him in his car seat but he refused to lay back. I fed him another small container of apples. He ate it without comment or attempt to touch the spoon. When I finished he cried. Cried like I had kicked his favorite puppy. So I got a container of squash and decided he would probably eat 1 bite and waste the container.

WRONG.

He ate almost the entire thing until finally his lips would no longer open and only about 5 bites remained.

After an additional 8 ounces of formula with a rice cereal mix in he slept from 1-6. The longest he'd slept in a week.

Yesterday more of the same. Pears and then green beans until I was scraping the jar and praying the monster would be appeased.

The only thing he focused on was the spoon. The only thing he cared about was the spoon. He would not make eye contact with me and when I dared to get up to fetch the second jar he cried sorrowful, pitiful cries. Angry cries. Why me God, why me cries. You know the ones.

Basically that's the only thing he did with us last night. Fussed, ate and went to bed.

Woke up at 3:30am. Drank 8 ounces of formula. Wanted to chat with me about weather, the dogs, breakfast...until 5am.

Last night after he went to bed I had to run to the grocery store because we only had 4 containers of baby food and in two days he had consumed what had taken 2 weeks previously to eat.

I bought $40 worth of baby food. I'm not proud but there it is.

And better diapers because I knew what was coming today.

Luckily I had to work early so Micah had baby duty this morning.

He didn't say much but I believe his text message read, "OMG the poop on him!!"

At least he's not starving anymore.

Memorial Day

Micah's grandfather Raul passed away Sept. 23rd, 2006.

He was husband to Jenny, father to Michael, grandfather to Micah and Andy.

We went to visit him today, for he and I have never been introduced and he has never met his great grandson.

Jenny was stuck in a loop about her Uncle Joe (Joe Martinez) who was the first American of Hispanic descent to be awarded a Medal of Honor. He led an advance on the Aleutian Island of Attu, interestingly enough. She was focused on that today and not on visiting her husbands gravestone but we took her none the less.

*as a side note, both of my grandfather's, Doyle and Linenschmidt, also fought in WWII but we did not visit them today since neither is buried anywhere near Colorado.

This one is my favorite, I'm not going to lie. I love to composition and also, he loves his thumb.

I'm named after my great-grandfather? WHAT?

This moment....

Playtime

Conversations with Micah

Me: Look what I found.

Micah: *looks at orange bottle* What is it?

Me: Sunscreen! SPF 100! I am ready for summer!

Micah: I didn't know mud came in a bottle.

Happy Thursday

It's almost Memorial Day and I'm pretty busy with work and the family this week.

But here is a gratuitous baby shot for you.

You're welcome.

More you say?

Will love carrots 100%.

The death of the mother is the first sorrow wept without her

Dear Mama,

What a difference a year makes, right?

As you know, I managed to elope last July and quickly have my 1 year anniversary approaching. I think it’s fitting that for this anniversary I’m taking Micah to Alaska. I feel like when we get there he’ll understand me better (although he pretty well understands me now). I feel like he’ll help me to see the magic of Alaska again since I haven’t been able to even stomach the idea of it since you left. True, I did go back to Alaska once, when Lizzie was around 2. The magic was gone and nothing I did would bring it back. I’m hoping that by showing Micah my childhood places and things that were important and meant something to you and me some of that magic will come back. I would like to be able to think of Alaska as my home and not just the place I grew up from time to time.

I had a baby too. My first (and only) boy. He is pretty much the spitting imagine of me as a baby (despite Micah’s claims to the contrary) and is precious. He has the fat rolls that you always loved in your grandchildren and I can’t help but think you would enjoy all the belly laughs and sloppy kisses he likes to give. I can see that picture of you as an infant, the black and white one, and I think he probably is the baby that most resembles that picture. I wish you could have made up songs while you changed his diaper and fed him inappropriate foods when I wasn’t looking.

His name is William. Dora reminded me that William Doyle was a pretty well known character from our family history and so that helps tie him to you in my mind since I just couldn’t bring myself to name him Julian. Sorry. Additionally it is thought that Mr. Darcy in the Pride & Prejudice saga was named Fitzwilliam Darcy. I’m going with it which would make me 2 for 3 on characters named for Pride & Prejudice characters. If only Kylie would let me change her name to Jane (although she probably is more of a Lydia) I could be 3 for 3. She’s no fun.

Speaking of Kylie, she has made a super improvement from last year and is hurling head first towards high school. I can’t imagine my baby in high school and yet I am so excited for her at the same time. It’s odd to me to think that when you left she was only 9. She wasn’t even in the double digits. Now she’s about to be a freshman in high school and we are having serious discussions about college majors and campus tours. How can 5 years have flown by so quickly and how can a person have changed so much in that time?

The other day Nana sent Lizzie a Kindergarten graduation card. She wrote in it that you had bought the card for Kylie when she was in Kinder but had forgotten to send it. So that in a way, it’s like you sent the card to Lizzie, just that Nana wrote the words. I cried after she read it to me. Her response was “Grandma Julie? I love my Grandma Julie!”

Interestingly enough, Micah pulled out a tub that had been in my shed for, oh, about 5 years. He told me there were some clothes in. I went to take a look and oddly enough, it was full of clothes from when Kylie was wearing a 5-7. Most of them are Gymboree and so it was almost like getting a care package from you for Lizzie. We put it back and will go through everything this fall when she moves up to a 6, in age, if not in size.

Brian got married last week Mom. It was hard. Harder than I thought it would be and I still can not bring myself to ask Kylie how it went. She has blessedly not tried to tell me about it either. I know that he and I have been divorced for well over a year and I think you’ll agree, I’m in a much better place now, but he married HER. The night of his wedding I was so wishing I could call you and rage about how unfair it is that he married her and she got to have a huge wedding and large reception and wear white when she is HER. I know you would have understood since Harvey also married your HER. I can hear you in my mind saying, “NO FAIR NO FAIR!” That’s how I felt that night, like a child saying NO FAIR!

Work continues to be work. I test for my PHR next month which is stressful because of the studying. I’ve never been good at studying and this is stressful, knowing I need to know everything about everything and not being sure that I can or do. Sometimes things happen at work that I just wish I could talk to a more seasoned HR person and say “What the hell is wrong with those people?” I know you’d get that.

5 years Mom. How can it have been 5 years already since you left? I keep trying to tell myself that you had to go. God had bigger plans for you. You’re in a better place and I shouldn’t want you to come home. Except you raised a very selfish, spoiled brat, and all I can say is, I wasn’t ready yet. I still needed my Mommy. Being an adult is only an illusion and it’s only based on age and those times when I really, really, really need you I think that it’s NO FAIR NO FAIR!

I need to close now Mom. But I want to tell you about a dream I had not long ago about you.

It was you and I and Micah and we were going on a cruise to Mexico. We were at the dock, about to get onboard and you told me you didn’t have your passport. I got really frustrated with you because you were going to need it if you were going to depart the ship. I told you I would run home to grab but and you told me that it was expired. And I was mad at you because you died long after US Citizens needed their passports to get into Mexico and I told you that you knew better. I told you that when you were alive a US Passport was needed to get into Mexico and now I didn’t know if you could even come on the trip with us. You told me that you could get on the ship but you wouldn’t be able to come with Micah and me where we were going.

I know there is meaning there Mom. I know you’re with me in Spirit, if not in Body. But I just can’t help but remember how angry I was that you hadn’t bothered to renew your passport so you could come with me anyways. I wish you could come with us. Still.

Love,
Pumpkin Head

Harvest

So my little container garden has started producing some kinds of food which is exciting for me. Exciting but not exactly filling.

You've already seen the first strawberries that we had.

Now behold, my first sugar snap pea.

For some idea of the actual size of this pea:

I ate it. I didn't even wash it. And it was sweet and tasty and I savored all 3 bites of that thing.

Luckily it appears my sugar snap peas have more pods growing on them so hopefully that's not the only pea I'll get for the year.

Also, this weekend Lizzie and I harvested these beauties:

Lizzie ate them all with no regard to me or my feelings.* She said they were breakfast. Meanie.

The onions continue to appear to do well, the radishes are poking up and I recently planted some tomato plants. The one I put in the Topsy Turvy is not doing well but the others seem to be doing great. I'll have to fix that Topsy Turvy thing this weekend, I think it's lacking enough sunlight.

The next several months promise to be full of warm days and not so chilly nights so hopefully my plants will continue to thrive and I might actually see a carrot or cucumber some day.

* Totally not true, she offered me one. The smallest, most deformed looking one, but she did offer it. When I declined there was no looking back though, she shoved that thing in her mouth faster than I've ever seen her eat anything.

The Pinata Fairy

I have no problem lying to my children.

Examples:

Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy. Eat that, it will make you grow bigger. You get the idea.

My newest one though is the one I'm most proud of. My latest lie is....

The Pinata Fairy.

The Pinata Fairy is a VERY special fairy. She comes to visit children who aren't culturally inclined to jump into a pile of 12 other children, ages 2-16 and fight for strawberry flavored wrapped candies and leaves tootsie rolls under their pillows. FLAVORED tooties rolls.

The neighbors have a birthday party seemingly every other weekend and Lizzie is always there, hanging out with the kids. I don't go because, well, we aren't actually invited, Lizzie just ends up there with her best friend Leslie and the various other friends over there. But today, well, there was a pinata. A pinata with candy.

Lizzie had never actually SEEN a pinata and did not know that it was acceptable to beat other children and fight for the candy that falls out of it after beating the paper mache animal blindly with a stick.

So she came home in tears because she was only able to get about 3 pieces of candy and the other kids got more and laughed at her because she didn't know what to do.

Enter me and the secret of the Pinata Fairy.

And later, a 10:30pm run to the nearest 7-11 to get the flavored tootsie rolls of magic.

I just hope she shares the cherry ones with me. Those are my favorite.

Micah just shook his head when I told him about the Pinata Fairy. He apparently never came up short on the candy from those things.

Dear William (6 month addition)

Dear William,

How can you be 6 months old already? Weren't you born just yesterday?

I love seeing how big you've gotten and already feel a sense of sadness that I can no longer remember you as a teeny-tiny newborn. You are certainly a "big boy" now with your fat thighs and chubby fingers and while I love to kiss each and every roll on you I am a little sad for the scrawny chicken legs of 6 months ago. Where did the time go?

While you have occasionally rolled over from time to time (most notably at your 4 month check up) it wasn't until this week that you really started rolling on purpose. I love the surprise of laying you on your back, only to see you on your tummy 4 seconds later. You seem pretty proud of yourself.

You are officially in your crib now to sleep for naps and at night. You seem to relish all the room you have an I constantly wake up with you having done a 180 in the middle of the night. But still sucking your thumb.

You are outgrowing your "baby" items by leaps and bounds. After finding you like this the other day I realized you are probably pretty much done with your swing.

This morning you woke yourself up by rolling over in the middle of the night and wound up on your stomach. You've never slept on your stomach and this morning you seemed so confused as to how you wound up on your tummy. I heard you in the crib, you're little starfish hand opening and closing against the mattress and every so often I would hear your head drop down. You were tired but you didn't fuss or even make a vocal noise. When I got up to help you I could see the confusion in your face. How did you get on your tummy and how did I know to come help?

Get used to hearing this now: Mom's know everything. My mother told it to me, your sisters have already accepted it and now you too will learn. I know everything about everything. You needed help this morning so I helped you. And fed you 8 ounces of warm milk. I am awesome like that.

You have started sucking on your toe lately which I find ridiculous because I can see that the effort of getting your hamhock thigh over your belly and that toe into your mouth takes quite a bit of effort and yet, you continue to attempt it every time your diaper is changed.

Your personality is really starting to show and while you can still get quite pensive and serious you more often than not have a happy, toothless smile on your face. When you see anyone you tend to have a smile for them although your favorite people seem to be your daddy, the dogs, your great-grandma and your grandma.

This month you discovered your love for peas. The moment I put them in your mouth a big smile erupted all over your face and you could not get enough. If you have the coordination I think you would have licked the bowl clean of them. As it was you used two spoons to eat them as the single spoon method did not seem fast enough.

You love to put things in your mouth and are by far my most oral baby. You will put every.single.thing in your mouth. I don't mind when its appropriate, like toys, spoons or even people from time to time but you need to learn quickly that the dog, the cat and my shoes are not appropriate items. Especially the cat. I know where he's been.

You continue to suck your thumb at night and during the day some and I find it adorable. I'm sure I'll hate it when it comes time for you to stop but for right now it's the cutest thing I've ever seen. I've been a mom three times, I know cute.


I love you buddy. You and your Cookie Monster.


Love,
Mama

PS: When do you think teeth will be showing up? Just so I can prepare....

Conversations with Lizzie...and Sweet P

Me: Girls, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Lizzie: A Human.

Me: A good choice.

Sweet P: A Crossing Guard.

Me: Also a good choice.

Lizzie: No wait. I want to be a dentist.

Me: No surprise there.

Lizzie: *sigh* I love the dentist.

Me: You are not normal.

The last time

The last time it was just you and me was a quiet Sunday night.

It was the first Sunday in May and I realized I hadn't nursed you since Thursday. I knew I still had some semblance of milk, but not a lot. Not enough to really feed you. Only enough to comfort you. To give you a reminder of what use to be.

We sat in the rocking chair in the bedroom with the door closed and the lamp turned low and just rocked back and forth.

You were sleepy and within a matter of minutes your eyes rolled back in your head and you closed them for the night. You kept comfort sucking for another 15 minutes or so while I teared up and tried to remember everything about how you looked at that moment.

Your left hand outstretched toward my face but never making it, instead it rested on my chest. Your pale skin golden in the lamp light and your feet crossed at the ankle as you tended to do while nursing.

It was the last time I nursed my last baby. And I miss it.

Bisabuela besos

William delights in visiting his great grandma and now he's just about old enough to show her how he really feels.


Jenny is pretty delighted with him too I think. She talked about his kissing her for the rest of the visit.

Why is it only Thursday?

The baby is sick. Like really sick.

Sunday night he didn't sleep great. I called in late to work.

Monday night he barely slept and was hot. I called in sick.
Tuesday I took him to the Dr who told me the breathing treatments we had been giving him were doing nothing for him (as evidenced by a pulse ox thingamajig) and that he had Bronchialitis and it just needed to run it's course. But if he puked or his eating changed to call.

Tuesday night he was crying, refusing to eat and then, at 3am Wednesday morning, he puked. Everywhere. About half of what he had eaten that day. On me.

The call to the Dr resulted in being told to give him pedilyte and let it's run it's course.

Wednesday my mother in law was gracious enough to stay home with the baby and Micah so I could make the attempt at keeping my job. Layoffs are everywhere and the last thing I need to be out all the time.

Wednesday he fussed all day long and couldn't/wouldn't sleep. When I got home he had dark circles under his eyes and had maybe eaten 8 ounces of formula all day.

He proceeded up cry and not rest until about 2 or 3 Thursday morning at which time he fell into a sound sleep.

I called in sick today. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept well in 4 days.

And while he looks slightly better he's still wheezing, struggling to breath and fussy.

Pray that he at least gets a little more sleep.

We have Berries!

I haven't picked them yet since the very tips are still green but look at THOSE berries!

It's not looking promising for jam at this point however.

Also, it snowed last night and more is predicted for today. I hope my strawberries are fighters!

Mothers Day

Mother's Day is, naturally, a bittersweet day to me. On the one hand I am blessed with 3 wonderful children. I know beyond measure how truly blessed I am and how each of them is unique and wonderful and the fact that I get to be their mother is somethings overwhelming. Who thought THAT would be a good idea?

But on the other hand, I am minus a mother. This is the 4th Mother's Day my mom has been gone and it tears me up inside still.

The last Mother's Day she was still here was awful. I knew it was her last. We had been told in February that she might have a year with successful chemo treatment and sheer luck. So while I was expecting one more Christmas with her I knew that May 2005 was her last Mother's Day. And I was heartbroken.

I sent her a poetry book about Mothers and an Iris bookmark and cried repeatedly all day that day. Sometimes the words "I love you" just aren't enough and it felt like no matter how many times I told her I loved her, she would never really know the depth of how I felt about her. How much I needed her. There are no real words to tell someone that honestly.

I know a lot of people feel that way. So they come up with other things to say to convey how much they love someone when " I love you just isn't enough". My mom and I had ours since for a long time it was just the two of us.

Me: How much do you love me Mommy?
Her: Up to the sky and back down again.

At 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 that seems like such a huge amount. That someones love could go all the way up and back down again seems enormous.It still is.

I have very few pictures of my mother and I together growing up. It seems as though she was always the one taking the pictures, whether it be me hanging out with a 20lb cabbage or performing at a Christmas show in the mall or running a mile in 8th grade. She was always there, my childhood is well documented. She and I just don't appear together very often.

I will share this though. Just keep in mind, this was taken June, 1979. I don't have much hair and hers, well, let's just say, it was in style for the times.

I miss you Mommy.

Up to the sky and back down again.

Poetry in motion

On April 15th Kylie took place in the first ever Poetry contest for her middle school. She was one of about 10 kids who each performed 2 poems.

The poems could not be their own work and they performed in rounds. All grades were represented.

Kylie performed "Dream within a Dream" by Edgar Allen Poe and "Mungo Jerri" by TS Elliot.

I have video of her performing but can't seem to manage to get it to load at this time. I'll try again, maybe from a different computer later.


Kylie ultimately won 3rd place which everyone in the room was surprised by. We had people after the contest come up and tell us they were sure she had won. Kylie did too.

I honestly thought she had nailed it too but we weren't the judges.

Here is Kylie and the other winners with their large checks. Kylie went by Kodi in language arts class, hence the usage of the name Kodi in the video as well as on the check.

I'm still proud of her and she still walked away with cash. Overall it was a good night.

Quilt from Italty

My best friend is named Erin. I probably talk to her on AVERAGE once every 2-3 months and I can't remember the last time I spoke to her on the phone. But I know it was when I had a landline and that's been gone for awhile now.

She and I met in Tucson when we each lived in one side of a connected duplex. She is awesome. I told her that if her husband died I would welcome her to be my sister wife.

The offer still stands.

I lived with her for a couple of months before we moved her because she was pregnant with her first child and her husband was deployed. She held my left leg when I delivered Lizzie.

She also took Lizzie's first pictures moments after birth as well as professionally when she was 8 days old.

I really, really, really miss Erin.

She and her husband and their two kids currently live in Italy on a military tour and I am insanely jealous.

She also has a William which shows her obvious good taste.

She is possibly the most creative person I know and she quilts. I adore Erin's artwork.

She made Kylie a quilt to her specifications when Kylie was 9. It's black and green and Kylie still sleeps with it.

She made Lizzie a quilt right when she was born that is the most beautiful blue and yellow and totally matched the duck theme I had going on at the time.

Today I received her quilt for Will. I honestly wasn't expecting a quilt because usually Erin's process is to know the child a little bit before quilting for them and she's never met my Will.

I think she nailed it though anyway.

It's called the Bear Claw and it's a little bigger than a crib quilt.

A little too close Mom......

Plenty of room to roll around on.

Both of my boys liked the quilt. This was taken a split second before one of them tried to shove a corner in his mouth. I'll leave you to guess which one.

Sweet Tooth

WARNING!

The following picture has a cuteness factor of 10 on a scale of 1-9.

Viewing the following picture could have any or all of the following side effects:

Loud squeling, ohhing and ahhhing, the irresistable urge to kiss the cheeks of passing children, running around showing of the picture of others and desire to start planning a trip to our house to see the subject of the picture below.

I warned you.